Today we’re sharing an excerpt from Lysa TerKeurst’s new study, Trustworthy, which releases November 12. Pre-order your copy or see a free sample today at Lifeway.com/Trustworthy. In fact, when you pre-order the Trustworthy Leader Kit or Bible Study Book on Lifeway.com now through November 11, and you’ll get a 1&2 Kings commentary eBook for free! We’ve also included some fun, free downloads at the end of this post to celebrate this new study!
I stood in front of the busted up walls amazed by all I never knew was behind them. Wires. Pipes. Support beams. Insulation. It all stood out now so very vulnerable and exposed. I ran my hand along the rough reality of renovation and thought how very similar my heart felt at the moment. The only difference was I knew my house would be put back together, better than ever.
I wasn’t so sure about my heart.
With the house, I knew a basic time frame. I also knew enough about renovations to add a few months of buffer time to the end date. Regardless, I absolutely knew there would be a beginning to this project and there would be an ending to this project. I also knew the end result would be beautiful. And since I knew the basic time frame and how beautiful things would eventually be, the busting up part of the renovation didn’t bother me. I was actually happy that demolition occurred.
The demolition was not a sign of irreparable problems. It was a sign of intentional progress. But I couldn’t say the same about the busted up places of my heart. Not right now. Not yet.
When I stood and looked in the mirror, my demolished heart wasn’t quite as easy to see as the walls in my house. The brokenness certainly revealed things, but they weren’t as easy to identify as pipes and wires. They were strange threads of fear, anxiety, shock, trauma, and distrust.
Distrust. There it was. The biggest of all the issues that resided beneath my surface. The ripping open and exposing of my heart had certainly revealed something I needed to see but didn’t dare want to admit.
About me. About God. And about my utter lack of trust in Him.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m a Jesus girl through and through. I love studying His Word, doing the right and required things, following Him, and fulfilling my calling. Yes, yes, sign me up for all of that.
But when God starts to deviate from the plan I’m assuming my life should follow, I’m much more apt to want to tame God, not trust Him.
And then when a busting up of all that felt safe and secure happens without any assurance of a completion date and a vision of the exact good that will surely come from this—well, that’s when I slide my raised hand down and I quit volunteering so eagerly to follow hard after God. That’s when I kick into high gear resisting God’s plans, making suggestions of how to do this whole thing better, and start pulling away from trusting God and pressing in to my ways, my timing, and my assumed better plan.
I demand the builder hand over the tools, and though I have no clue how to truly make things better, I start patching and covering and frantically fixating on a hodgepodge repair that will be disappointing at best, detrimental at worst.
I see this so clearly in my house renovations and have no desire at all to displace the master builder.
I just wish I could have this same clarity in my trust of God.
At the risk of exposing too much of my absolute flesh tendencies, I’m going to peel back a protective layer of my soul. I absolutely want to trust God. And I’m good with declaring my trust of Him. But declaring faith is not the same as walking out an absolute dependence on God to be God. That’s where I want to build altars of my own solutions and run to fixing things my way rather than fixing my eyes on the Lord and actually trusting Him.
In both cases I’m worshiping. But worshiping my desires over worshiping God Himself is not an altar that honors God. Quite the opposite.
In biblical times, there were patterns around God’s people building high places, which at first can seem like “something foolish those people did.” But what I just described that I do—worship solutions and plans of my own making—makes this personal. It’s not just an issue to study about them. It’s a significant spiritual erosion that must be addressed in my soul—not one day but today.
But understand, addressing this isn’t because God is disappointed in me. He’s actually appointing this time for me to understand the depth of His love for me like never before.
That’s why I can’t think of two more perfect books of the Bible to dust off and dig into than 1 and 2 Kings. What appears from the outside looking in as ancient text about long-ago leaders with faith-faulty hearts isn’t so far removed from addressing the exact issues I need to examine in my own life.
As I’ve dared to read these books from the vantage point of needing the truth treasures buried inside of them, I’ve been astonished at how much application there is for a girl who loves God but finds herself resisting Him in ways that are way more dangerous than I’ve ever cared to admit before.
And I wonder why I find myself so very exhausted and anxious and heavily burdened on the inside while singing and quoting verses about the abundant Christian life on the outside.
There is a disconnect somewhere between the faith I want and the one I’m living.
I know you feel it too. I’ve seen it in your tear-filled eyes, and I’ve heard it in your questions around the harder things to understand about God.
So, let’s create a safe place to acknowledge our distrust and discover how God will give us relief for our places of unbelief. Together, we will find a more grounded faith, renovated hearts, and a strengthened trust in God like never before.
Want to learn more about this new study? Watch the short video below or view a free sample and teaching video clips at Lifeway.com/Trustworthy.
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