Let’s just be honest. If you’ve been in any sort of small group, Sunday School class, community group, life group, or anything similar, you’ve experienced the wide array of personalities that make up a group of women gathered together with the goal of growing in Christ. I could tell you about a ton of funny stories, hard situations, and interesting people, but let me tell you this—I haven’t always done it right. I’ve hurt feelings; I’ve been critical when the women didn’t do their Bible study homework (which led to some of them not coming back the next week), and sometimes I’ve just messed up. It’s not easy, but let’s try to push past the difficulty today and do what we can where we are.
Every single group I’ve led or been a part of has been different from the last one. Some groups have been really engaged, while others have struggled to connect. Some groups have grown, while other groups have gotten smaller throughout the year. It’s hard to understand the way that groups ebb and flow, but there are a few important things to keep in mind, whether you’re leading a group or participating in one:
- Get to know the women in your group. This may seem like a no-brainer, but it’s hard for some of us to connect. Sometimes we have to be really intentional for our relationships to go past mere kind greetings and really invest to get to know one another. There’s no way that everyone in your group is just like you, so each of us needs to make an effort to dig in and get to know the others around us.
- If you’re leading, lean into group members’ learning styles. It’s really easy to lean into the way we learn when we’re in charge of a small group. I’m a pretty straightforward teacher, but I have to consider the women who are visual learners or who thrive with hands-on instruction, those who learn differently than I do. I always try to ask around in a group and find out how the other women learn so that I can help discuss whatever we’re talking about in a way that makes more sense to them.
- Help them grow, but don’t put them on the spot. This practice is so crucial, friends. As you get to know the women in your group, ask if they’re comfortable reading a passage from the Bible or praying before you put them on the spot. The more you learn about them, the more they’re typically willing to engage.
- Contribute to your group in some way. Even if you’re not in charge, volunteer to help in some way. Maybe that’s taking prayer requests, following up with other women throughout the week, or bringing a snack. Do what you can.
- Give some space for processing. I’m the type that gives a one-second pause before answering a question. But I’ve learned that not only do I need to give other women a chance to answer, I also need to give them some time to process. Create some room for women to respond to what they’re learning.
- Be consistent. If you’re in a group, show up. It’s so easy to make excuses for why you can’t come on a given night, but true community won’t ever happen if you don’t show up.
- Be willing to meet, even if just one other woman shows up. Do what you say you’re going to do, and let the women in your group know that you value your time together, even if a lot of them bail. They’re way more likely to show up if they know you’ll always show up.
Community is hard. We talk about community like it should be really easy, but if you’re in a season where it feels impossible, know you’re not alone. If it comes really easily for you, keep in mind that it might be hard for others, and you can be a part of making community rich for other women in your group. Be faithful and spend time building relationships.
A few years ago, I broke my ankle in an ice storm. The night before my surgery, I heard a noise outside my apartment and sent my mom to check and see what was going on. She found Alicia, one of the girls in my community group, shoveling the ice off my sidewalk so I could get to the hospital the next morning. After I got home, Melissa, who was also in my group, brought over enough food to feed an army. These women stood in the gap and loved me well during a hard season, not because we were just in a group together, but because we were in community together. It’s worth it to dive in and engage. Don’t miss the opportunities God has for you as you navigate building community with other women.
Mary Margaret West serves as the Girls Ministry Specialist for Lifeway Christian Resources, which basically means that teenage girls and the women who lead them are her favorite people on the planet. She has a passion to equip girls and women to dive deeply into God’s Word and live out their calling, and does this by training, consulting, and speaking to women and student ministry leaders across the United States. Mary Margaret is the author of Show Her the Way: Your Guide to Discipling Teen Girls, is a former Girls Minister, and holds a master’s degree from New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. She also hosts Lifeway Women’s {MARKED} podcast. Mary Margaret and her husband Jonathan live in Franklin, TN. Connect with her online: @marymargaretc and girlsministry.lifeway.com