Settling in for the Wait

By Scott James

Patience has never been my strong suit. More than just a general restlessness, I can usually trace my impatience back to a single, sinful root: frustration over a lack of control. Whatever the situation, if I’m the one calling the shots and setting the pace, then I am the epitome of long-suffering. But put me at the mercy of someone else’s timeline and you’ll see how quickly my foot starts tapping. Obviously, this trait doesn’t serve me well.

My children seem to have inherited this disposition, which is bad news for them because at their age they’re not in control of much. The funny thing is, seeing my impatience reflected in their lives has given me a perspective that I failed to grasp on my own. When my children are at their most impatient, I often see the folly of it because I know something about the situation that they don’t — some piece of information that, if they only knew it, would relieve their frustration. While they’re fretting over what’s for dinner, when they’re going to get to pick the family movie, or what’s wrapped up under the Christmas tree, all I want is for them to trust me. I have a plan, and everything’s going to be OK. When my children are bothered by not being in control, I want them to know that someone who loves them and wants what’s best for them is in control.

Yet, how often do I fail to trust God like that? I see the folly of my children’s impatience so easily, but then I turn around and act as if life would be better if I could step in and work everything out according to my timetable. But helping my children recognize and repent of impatience has helped me understand that true contentment arises out of a deep trust that God loves us, He wants what’s best for us, and — unlike me with my children — He is in perfect control. It does no good to watch for the promises of God and then fret over not being in control of their timing.

Waiting is hard, but God uses it to teach us to depend on Him. When we cry out with Habakkuk, “O Lord, how long?” (Habakkuk 1:2), God patiently reminds us that He acts according to His schedule, not ours. He will keep every one of His promises for our good and His glory. And if we’re prone to impatience along the way, He has a word for us just as He did for Habakkuk: “If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come, it will not delay” (Habakkuk 2:3). Give up the illusion of control, trust in God’s timing, and then settle in for the wait. It’ll be worth it.

Scott James is a pediatric doctor and a member of The Church at Brook Hills. He loves helping families grow together in Christ and is the author of several family worship devotionals and children’s books. He lives in Birmingham with his wife and four children.

This article appears in the December 2018 issue of ParentLife.

Be a Father by Carey Casey

In ParentLife this month, I wrote about dads who deserve to be honored, and the idea of making “sacrifices” for our children. It occurs to me that another great point to make is that there are dads out there who pretty much define that word “sacrifice.” So I want to add a salute to dads who are committed to meeting the needs of their kids—no matter what.

This is expressed by dads in many different challenging situations, but I have one group in mind specifically.

Some years ago, my bride Melanie and I came face-to-face with the difficult truth that our son had a mild learning challenge. It wasn’t anything major, and he has nearly overcome it in the years since. But at the time it set me back for a while. Our family is not perfect by any means. Still, it seemed like the kind of thing that just didn’t happen to us. My three other children have their unique strengths and weaknesses, but they didn’t have this specific challenge.

So I started asking questions I’m sure are normal for these kinds of situations: What caused this? Was it something I did—or didn’t do? Did we miss something that could have made a difference?

But it wasn’t long before those more self-centered thoughts turned to love and concern for my son. No matter what happened in the past, what can I do now to help him? My consuming thought was, Hey, this is my time to step up. I have to be a father. I need to be there for my son.

If any of you dads listening today have children with even more challenging issues—like autism, Down’s Syndrome, or something else—I know you’re very familiar with those thoughts and emotions. It’s often dads like you who set the mark and help us to define what it means to be a committed dad. When the needs of your child required some extra sacrifices, you stepped up. You put your child’s needs before your own, and you’ve never regretted it.

Those dads deserve more recognition for what they do.

And this message may be more for the rest of us who face the routine rigors of being a dad, but aren’t facing the overwhelming exhaustion of raising a child with extreme disabilities. I would say, “Dad, take a page from the playbook of the most committed dads you know. Make the radical decision to sacrifice your own desires and goals for the sake of your children.”

And then my other thought would be this: no matter what your children’s gifts, abilities, and weaknesses may be, cherish them for who they are. Be flexible, and grow with them. Let them teach you what it means to be a committed father.

 

careycaseycasual2007Carey Casey is Chief Executive Officer of the Kansas City-based National Center for Fathering and author of the book Championship Fathering: How to Win at Being a Dad.

Through his work across the country, Casey has earned a reputation as a dynamic communicator, especially on the topic of men being good fathers. He’s known as a compassionate ambassador, particularly within the American sports community.

Dad’s Life with Carey Casey: The Importance of Modeling

Claire made me breakfast in bed!
source: escapist

Need a weekly nudge in your efforts to be the kind of dad your kids need? Here’s what worked for one dad.

Rick has two young children. He told me about some lessons he has learned, with help from the Fathers.com weekly e-mail. I think we can all probably learn something here.

Leading up to Mother’s Day one year, Rick’s wife was going out of town to visit her parents with their 2-year-old daughter and newborn son. So with her gone, Rick thought he was “off the hook.” He’d get her a card and give it to her when she came home.

Then he received our weekly e-mail. It suggested that he do something big to honor his bride and get the kids involved, because it’s important to set an example for them and show honor for the role of mothers.

When his family came home, he involved his 2-year-old daughter in choosing a special gift for Mom. Then, on the next Sunday, Rick and his daughter got up early and made a special breakfast together for their mom—including Eggs Benedict. It wasn’t the best-tasting meal, but his wife said it was the best Mother’s Day ever.

Another story from Rick reinforces the lesson: At Valentine’s Day last year, it was a busy time and he was planning to get a few simple gifts to bring home for his wife and his daughter. Once again, our weekly e-mail reminded him that he’s setting an important example—both in how he shows love to his wife and showing his daughter how she should expect to be treated by boys.

So Rick raised the bar. He made arrangements to take his daughter to a daddy-daughter dance. He dressed up and left the house so he could arrive at the appointed time to pick up his daughter for their date. He took her out to dinner and then they had a great time at the dance.

Dad, recognize that you’re always modeling behavior and character for your kids—whether you’re serving your wife, going to work, fixing something, or just hanging out. They’re always watching and learning from you, and like Rick shows us, it’s never too early to start.

 

careycaseycasual2007.jpg

Carey Casey is Chief Executive Officer of the Kansas City-based National Center for Fathering and author of the book Championship Fathering: How to Win at Being a Dad.

Through his work across the country, Casey has earned a reputation as a dynamic communicator, especially on the topic of men being good fathers. He’s known as a compassionate ambassador, particularly within the American sports community.