Do you remember playing with Play-Doh as a child? Maybe you still do with your own children. Or, maybe you still do on your own as an adult (no judgment here, brother). Now, if you have pink and blue Play-Doh handy, just laying around the house, it would be awesome for you to grab it right now to play with while reading this blog. Weirdest blog opening ever, I’m aware. Hang with me though, this is going somewhere!
When you enter into marriage, you are two completely different people. You are bringing in your past experiences, your likes and dislikes, your personality, and maybe even a lot of baggage. Men, you are the blue glob of Play-Doh. This is everything that you are as you enter into marriage. For your wife, she’s bringing in a whole different life and distinct parts of herself into this marriage, but her glob of Play-Doh is pink. Two separate entities, two different people, two different colors, distinct from one-another. But as you dated, were engaged, and then married, your globs began to mix. If you have the blue and pink Play-Doh handy, you can press it together slightly. As you grow together, there is now one single glob of Play-Doh, but the blue and pink are distinct and continue to stand out. Early in marriage, you remain yourself with your own wants and desires. You’re becoming one, but it would be easy to pull the blue apart from the pink.
As you truly become one in marriage, who you are individually begins to fade. Looking out for your own interests alone begins to change into what she desires and what is best for you as a couple. Your likes and dislikes may change for the betterment of your marriage. As you become unified more and more, as you become one, the blue and the pink become less distinguishable, and, instead, your glob begins to look a little more purple. The more you work at your marriage (work the Play-Doh), the more it becomes unified. The more purple you become. And once that Play-Doh becomes purple, there’s no breaking it apart into blue and pink. You’re one. Unified in marriage and desiring to not only continue growing together, but to do that under the Lordship of Christ.
2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
-Ephesians 4:2-3 (CSB)
So, how are you doing in becoming more and more unified (purple) in your marriage? From Ephesians 4:2 above, are you acting in humility with your wife? In what specific ways are you showing gentleness with her (both physically and emotionally)? Are you giving her patience, as she deserves? How are you showing her your love? Growing in these areas is like kneading that glob of Play-Doh. The more you two show humility, gentleness, patience, and love for one another, the more purple and united you will become. And, there is no breaking apart that kind of unity!
I get it, this is easier said than done. Maybe while you are lacking in gentleness, and patience, she’s lacking in humility and love. Maybe one or more of these have been a real struggle for you and you’ve brought that struggle into your marriage from a past experience or trauma. It would be easy to think that you just have to work harder at these things. What I will tell you is that you need to ask Jesus to grow you in these things and then cooperate with him in that growth. Ask him to grow you in humility, gentleness, patience and love toward your wife. Then, take intentional steps toward her with humility, gentleness, patience and love. As you do, and as she does, it’s amazing how unified you will become in your marriage! Fight hard to have a purple marriage. It’s a good color on you!
Tyler Quillet is the Discipleship Strategist for the Custom Church Resources team at LifeWay Christian Resources. He lives in the Nashville, TN area with his incredible wife, Cathie, and two boys, Cylas and Bowen. Tyler also speaks, writes, and coaches alongside Cathie as they pour into and love on those battling infertility through Cathie’s “The Missing Peace Project”. Tyler previously spent 15 years as a pastor and is passionate about serving churches and pouring into church leaders in a variety of ways.