by Jay Dennis
The most important relationship in your life is to be with Jesus Christ. When Jesus is number one, your wife will absolutely love being number two. Your Christian wife wants to be second, but only to one—Jesus Christ. Her being second to Jesus will give her everything she needs. If she is second to anyone or anything else, other than Jesus, there will be insecurity, resentment, pain, a dangerous vacuum and the real possibility of divorce. So when you can say to your wife, “You are second” (with Jesus bing first). She will find security, real love, provision, protection and fulfillment.
Men, the temptation is to put YOU first. When that happens, what you pledged at your wedding will be in jeopardy. In fact, you made a pledge before God, before others, and to your wife that can only be fulfilled when Jesus has first place. There is a phrase in Ephesians 5:25 where men are told, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Let’s consider practically what this means. How does Jesus love the Church? Each of these characteristics are followed by an action that corresponds:
1. Jesus Loves Unconditionally
Action: Receive your wife based on who she is, NEVER based on her performance. Accept her as God’s gift.
2. Jesus Loves Sacrificially
Action: Be willing to say “I’m sorry” and mean it. Ask for forgiveness when you have been wrong. Attempt to repair what you broke in her heart.
3. Jesus Loves Demonstrably
Action: Find ways to daily tell and demonstrate to your wife that you love her.
4. Jesus Loves Verbally
Action: Let your wife know how you feel, what you need and why. Tell your wife, “I love you, I need you, I only want you.”
5. Jesus Loves Respectfully
Action: Respect your wife’s opinions, ideas, time, needs and the demands on her.
6. Jesus Loves Tenderly
Action: Be gentle, be kind, be tender when you speak with your wife. Don’t be critical and demanding of her.
7. Jesus Loves Faithfully
Action: Be faithful with your body (especially your eyes), emotions, and your relationships.
8. Jesus Loves Attentively
Action: Always notice your wife when she walks into a room. Listen with your ears, your eyes and your body.
9. Jesus Loves Protectively
Action: Find out what her needs are, and passionately try to meet those needs.
10. Jesus Loves Extravagantly
Action: Do something special for your wife with not thought of anything for you.
11. Jesus Loves Joyfully
Action: Rejoice in your wife. Be thankful that God gave her to you.
12. Jesus Loves Actively
Action: Don’t wait for your wife to make the first move. You take the initiative to do the right thing toward her.
13. Jesus Loves Sensitively
Action: Show sensitivity to your wife’s needs by seeking to understand what she is facing daily.
14. Jesus Loves Creatively
Action: Be creative with your love for your wife. Think of ways daily you can show her real love. Ask yourself daily, “What can I do to make her happy?”
15. Jesus Loves Willingly
Action: Do things for you wife willingly, not grudgingly, because that is what God has called you to do.
16. Jesus Loves Memorably
Action: Remember important dates, times and things that are important to your wife.
17. Jesus Loves Thoughtfully
Action: Throughout the day, think about: “What can I do to help my wife?”
18. Jesus Loves Humbly
Action: Serve your wife. Humble yourself and ask your wife to for you for what you said, did or didn’t do that hurt her.
19. Jesus Loves Generously
Action: Let your wife be the person with whom you are most generous.
20. Jesus Loves Affectionately
Action: Affection is not the same as sex. Demonstrate daily a loving touch that tells your wife, “I am in love with you.”
21. Jesus Loves Availably
Action: Make sure your wife knows you are available to her at any time
22. Jesus Love Prayerfully
Action: Pray continually for your wife for God’s blessing and protection on her and that God would bring divine appointments into her life.
This article comes with a little homework. This is designed to help put these “Jesus Actions” into practice. Then do the following:
Write a one page letter to your wife expressing your gratefulness for her. Be specific. If you are single write a one-page letter to your future wife expressing the kind of husband you will be. Keep it and when you find God’s mate, read it to her.
Plan a date for your and your wife, choose the time and place, make the reservation, pick up a small gift for her, and arrange babysitting if you have small children at home. During the date, read the letter to your wife.
Give the list of how Jesus loves the church to your wife and tell her that is what you desire to be. Ask her to pray for you about this.
Make a commitment to have a weekly date.
Pray with and for your wife each day.
Pastor Jay Dennis is married to his sweetheart Angie for 39 years, has two children and two grandchildren. He has served as a local church pastor for 39 years, 21 of those years as Senior Pastor of First Baptist Church at the Mall in Lakeland, Florida. While there, he along with a layman Randy Feirrera, co-founded Wingman Nation, a Scripturally-driven, local church-based men’s ministry with three goals for every man: Striving to be better husbands; better fathers and more Christ-like and godly men. Check out this ministry on WingmanNation.com.