By: Dr. Meg Meeker
Men, we need you. We—mothers, daughters, and sisters—need your help to raise healthy young women. We need every ounce of masculine courage and wit you own because fathers, more than anyone else, set the course for a daughter’s life.
After more than twenty years of listening to daughters—and doling out antibiotics, anti-depressants, and stimulants to girls who have gone without a father’s love—I know just how important fathers are. I have listened hour after hour to young girls describe how they vomit in junior high bathrooms to keep their weight down. I have listened to fourteen-year-old girls tell me they have to provide sex acts that disgust them in order to keep their boyfriends. I’ve watched girls drop off varsity tennis teams, flunk out of school, and carve initials or tattoo cult figures onto their bodies—all to see if their dads will notice.
Fathers, more than anyone else, set the course for a daughter’s life.
And I have watched daughters talk to fathers. When you come in the room, they change. Everything about them changes: their eyes, their mouths, their gestures, their body language. Daughters are never lukewarm in the presence of their fathers. They might take their mothers for granted, but not you. They light up—or they cry. They watch you intensely. They hang on your words. They hope for your attention, and they wait for it in frustration—or in despair. They need a gesture of approval, a nod of encouragement, or even simple eye contact to let them know you care and are willing to help.
When she’s in your company, your daughter tries harder to excel. When you teach her, she learns more rapidly. When you guide her, she gains confidence.
If you fully understood just how profoundly you can influence your daughter’s life, you would be overwhelmed.
Boyfriends, brothers, even husbands can’t shape her character the way you do. You will influence her entire life because she gives you an authority she gives no other man.
Many fathers (particularly of teen girls) assume they have little influence over their daughters—certainly less influence than their daughters’ peers or pop culture—and think their daughters need to figure out life on their own. But your daughter faces a world markedly different from the one you did growing up: it’s less friendly, morally unmoored, and even outright dangerous. After age six, “little girl” clothes are hard to find. Many outfits are cut to make her look like a seductive thirteen- or fourteen-year-old girl trying to attract older boys. She will enter puberty earlier than girls did a generation or two ago (and boys will be watching as she begins to physically mature even as young as age nine). She will see sexual innuendo or scenes of overt sexual behavior in magazines or on television before she is ten years old, whether you approve or not. She will learn about HIV and AIDS in elementary school and will also probably learn why and how it is transmitted.
Fathers are what stand between daughters and this toxic world.
If you’re reading this, you are a motivated, sensitive, and caring father. You are a good man, but you’re probably exhausted. For you, there is great news and bad news.
The great news is that in order to experience a richer life and raise a fabulous daughter, you don’t need to change your character. You need only to indulge what’s best in your character. You have everything you need for a better relationship with your daughter.
Here’s the bad news. You need to stop in your tracks, open your eyes wider, and see what your daughter faces today, tomorrow, and in ten years. It’s tough and it’s frightening, but this is the way it is. While you want the world to be cautious and gentle with her, it is cruel beyond imagination—even before she is a teen. Even though she may not participate in ugly stuff, it’s all around her: sexual promiscuity, alcohol abuse, foul language, illegal drugs, and predatory boys and men who want only to take something from her.
Don’t think you can’t fight her “peers” or the power of pop culture. Exactly the opposite is true. Yes, the four Ms—MTV, music, movies, and magazines—are enormous influences that shape what girls think about themselves, what clothes they wear, and even the grades they get. But their influence doesn’t come close to the influence of a father. A lot of research has been done on this—and fathers always come out on top. The effects of loving, caring fathers on their daughters’ lives can be measured in girls of all ages.
When you are with her, whether you eat dinner and do homework together or even when you are present but don’t say much, the quality and stability of her life—and, you’ll find, your own—improves immeasurably. Even if you think the two of you operate on different planes, even if you worry that time spent with her shows no measurable results, even if you doubt you are having a meaningful impact on her, the clinical fact is that you are giving your daughter the greatest of gifts.
Your daughter will view this time spent with you vastly differently than you do. Over the years, in erratic bursts and in simple ordinary life 
When she is twenty-five, she will mentally size her boyfriend or husband up against you. When she is thirty-five, the number of children she has will be affected by her life with you. The clothes she wears will reflect something about you. Even when she is seventy-five, how she faces her future will depend on some distant memory of time you spent together. Be it good or painful, the hours and years you spend with her—or don’t spend with her—change who she is. Come on men, we daughters need you!
Excerpted from 33 The Series vol. 6: A Man and His Fatherhood.
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Dr. Meg Meeker is a pediatrician, mother and best-selling author of six books, including Strong Daughters, Strong Fathers. Dr. Meg shares regularly at MegMeekerMD.com. She is also founder of The Strong Parent Project which recently released its first digital course The 12 Principles of Raising Great Kids. She is a contributor to 33 The Series volume 6: A Man and His Fatherhood.
This Truth needs to be proclaimed to the whole world! This fact is a Gospel Truth.Every Church MUST be ready to share it to the youth-boys as well as girls.Felt I wasn’t wrong in my thinking all the way I read it.Thanks.
Indeed. Thank you for your comment, Susan.
Greetings Dr Meg, I left my daughter when she was 2 years old. We saw each other regularly, and she’s 30 now.
We have a mostly close relationship but sometimes I feel that she blames me for leaving her, and her mother.
I remarried and have an 18 year old son, who she sees as the flavoured child (we are still together as a family )
I would love to heal any old wounds, and develop a more loving and open relationship with her. Also, she came out as being gay when she was 24,after a disappointing relationship with a young man (who she would have known I didn’t connect positively with )
Best wishes, Bill
I can relate to this Bill. I was in a similar situation. It’s very hard to deal with, but you should never blame yourself. It just adds unnecessary stress. It is better to try to fix things as much as you can now.
As a father myself to my girls this article hold so much timeless truth .. Every father should read this article and every father should know deep down that they shape the future of their daughters they have so much influence in their daughters lives .. Hope every father read this article .. I know we are not perfect but with his grace we will prevail as we go against the flow and what our daughters face every day !! Blessings
I’m raising my granddaughter alone. My husband and only child passed away almost 10 years Ago. Every time I read articles like this and hear sermons on this I can’t help but wonder. Do you ever consider these children who lost their Dads and have NO male influence in their life. She hears sermons like this at church and feels she’s doomed to an unhappy future. I try and encourage her. She’s a very sweet and loving young lady. Very high morals. It hurts me to see her get down when she reads and hear the things you have said along with many others. It’s a shame there’s not advice out there for people like us. She loved her Daddy so much and remembers how much he loved her.
Sylvia,
I can’t imagine how incredibly difficult that is. I want her and you to rest in this truth that I think is seen all through scripture, “Where the ideal is not present, grace abounds!” I hope that’s a blessing to you today.
Sylvia, my dad died when I was 9 MONTHS old. I never knew him, really. I have one big sister. I was raised by a single mom who taught school and talked positively about my father. Make that your gift to her. I hung on every story about my dad being a good man, every example of his faith, his cheeriness, his being a good singer, etc., meant so much to me. I am married. We have raised 7 children. We’re old now. Life did not turn bad on me just because my dad died. You can do it.
My youngest daughter turned 4 17 days before her daddy passed away from pancreatic cancer, she, I know has struggled ever since… But what he gave to her in those first 4 years has changed the course of her life… She’s s good girl, made mostly good choices, the bad ones she turned around. He used to say ” the first 5 years of a child’s are the most important and will make them who they grow into…. I believe it. We miss him so much
This is a non made doctrine. The son needs his dad who is his like gender parent The daughter needs her mother who is her like gender parent.
Please do not diminish mothers. Mothers don’t diminish the son’s dad. We are trying to figure out if men become that insecure and confused, that they twist the word so that they can be exalted above mothers . This is a sad situation.
A daughter, like a son, benefits from having both parents. But the like gender parent is the most important parent to the child! Mothers are absolutely and perfectly capable of guiding, directing, teaching, and instilling values in her daughter thus producing a confident and strong woman. A man cannot teach a girl how to be a woman.
You know, things like this are very important for those who care about others as we in faith do.
It’s like I see young people with these tattoos and piercings, where they have to face so much. At first it was funny, but these things can affect the rest of their lives.
Where we can really use more information on how to communicate with young adults and maybe affect them in a positive way so that they can turn to us.
Which many kids need somebody. Where many really need sanctuary from the world!
Where I can go for seperate schools for boys and girls as it was one time. As it’s seen this might help some issues. Or remove some obstacles. Society has been taking families down the wrong roads and creating too many obstacles for teenagers as well as parents, where it looks like kids need the availability of other adults.
As young people, others opinions can have a sting to it which creates seperation.
I’m a softy. Where I feel for young people and would like to be a positive figure even if I’m not much, I still engage them sometimes and I may not say things the right way, where I’d like to know how to speak to them so they’re not put off. I have a partially Neanderthal mind, where I could use some instruction. Not to mention recourse. Which kind of like the tattoo thing. It’s something kids are into, but it may suggest other problems. Which we are adults and we are responsible for children and young adults, as much as it’s in our hands.
Dvd’s would help on such. As all responsible adults are supposed to be available to help young people, but we might speak different languages.
Please advise.
Again, I’d hate to have been needed for young people to whatever degree and then be a brick wall as so many adults are.
Bert, I don’t know if this will help but I’ll try. My mom was conservative as far as not liking tattoos or piercings. She always made it very clear that she will always love us; she may not agree with or like something we do, but she never judged us. We never felt we were going to be ostracized for anything, really. She let us know how she felt about those things and always gave the best advice. She did not have loving parents, so she was determined to have a better relationship with her children.
She always told us we could go to her with anything. Her only requirement was for us to prepare her by saying, “I need to talk to you about something you may not like or agree with.” She explained this statement would help her prepare her mind to be open as to not overreact. She felt if she overreacted, we would shut down and not be open with her. She was right and I went to her with everything. Whenever I did anything, I always thought, “How will this affect Mom; Will mom be disappointed?”
I think the most important lesson I learned from her was to be a good listener. I started Mom/Daughter and Mom/Son journals with my children. They can tell me anything and it’s just between us. I teach them what’s acceptable and appropriate and let them know there are always consequences for wherever they do ( as my mom also did with me.) I ask them what they think the consequence will be which allows me to teach them without judgement from myself. They will face enough judgement in life, so I feel they need an open mind to bring their thoughts and questions. I hope that makes sense.
I don’t know if this helped you and I never comment on these things, but felt drawn to your post. Good luck!
Thanks for this article. I knew i had influence, but did not know to what extent….even over her peers.
It’s a very humbling truth. Thanks for your comment, Wallace.
Wonderfully said. I have 4 boys and 1 daughter. My husband is a physician and works long hours, however; all the kids are his number one priority. Our daughter absolutely respects her father where with me she vents a little more. She has turned out to be a beautiful young lady as well as the boys. Love this article.
Thanks for your comment, Lori. It’s a blessing to hear about your husband investing so intentionally in your kids.
I’m inspired reading this article. I’m a single father that gets to see his daughter every other weekend (not by choice). I drive two hours every other weekend to pick her up to get her for the weekend. I’m really engaged as a father and want to be a big part of her life. I would like to spend every second with her. Being an educator in special education I see what kids have to go through having broken homes. I love my daughter very much, and I show her every time I see her. She knows my rules and when I hear bad news that I will be disappointed. I’m a proud father of a four year old girl.
Matt, where the ideal is not present, grace abounds. So good to hear from you! I’m blessed to hear how engaged you are and intentional you desire to be in your daughter’s life. Way to go!
I agree with all of this. Men you need to read “Always A Groomsman and Never the Groom” by Steven G Gooden-Champ
Well my daughter is one month old but her mom and I argue too much I recently bought a house to give an inheritance to my daughter but I ended up leaving after my daughter turned one month a couple days ago I am so confused I love my daughter so much I can’t sleep without her you think I should reconcile with her mom I just wanna be with her
Matt,
I too used to make long trips to pick up my daughter every other weekend. I remember when my daughter was 4, during my time with her we did great things. I took her everywhere with me. I know how tough it is having the distance and making those drives to be with her. It speaks volumes to me about your character as I too, drive those miles on the road. My daughter is 9 now. She is more compassionate, responsible, intelligent and funny than any 9 year old I know. I know I am responsible for that. I also just started administering “street wisdom” to keep her aware of her own safety and sense of being.
I have an 8 year old daughter as well. I love her very much and try to be the best father that I can. She is 75 miles away (not my choice) and I drive 750 to 1200 miles a month to pick her up and drop her off. I made the decision before she was born that I would do my best at being a father no matter what. It is exhausting at times with the distance but I will never give up on her. I pray that I can be a great example for her, protect her, teach her, provide for her, encourage her, listen to her, and be there for her until my last day here on Earth. Stay stong and don’t give up all of you fathers out there, (single fathers and married alike)
This message needs to be a required reading for EVERY father…..girls AND boys need their father…..unfortunately in today’s society the influence of a Father that you describe is sadly lacking. I hope that every man who reads this realizes just how important their part in raising their children is.
Thank you for this article.
Great word Beth. It’s no secret that where Daddy leads his family this way, homes flourish! Thanks for your comment.
I totally agree. It’s not just girls, just maybe girls need them a little more in the teenage years. I know my kids are young right now (my son is 3 and my daughter is 6 months) but my son looks to his father for acceptance. The part that states “When you come in the room, they change. Everything about them changes: their eyes, their mouths, their gestures, their body language. …. They light up—or they cry. They watch you intensely. They hang on your words. They hope for your attention, and they wait for it in frustration—or in despair. They need a gesture of approval, a nod of encouragement, or even simple eye contact to let them know you care and are willing to help.” And the part about they learn faster by their father both fit my son and how he is around daddy to a T! My kids love me and I know this but the love and bond they have with my husband (their dad) is immeasurable and truly a beautiful thing to see! My son is a mommy’s boy but will pick daddy every chance he gets and my daughter is definitely a daddy’s girl!
Dear Meg,
Nothing rips through my heart more than to be reminded the girls I abandoned when they were young needed me so much. I realize it now but alas it is too late. Just like someone told me shortly after my divorce, us dads are like the sun for our daughters. I was too young, stupid and selfish to realize the damage I was doing. My hope is that someone contemplating divorce will read this and reconsider.
Dan, Thanks for your comment. Wow, those are impactful words! Thanks for your transparency. The great news is that God’s grace is big enough to cover those times when, as parent, we blow it! I, for one, sure am thankful of that. Thanks again!
Impactful words indeed! My ex and I went through a bitter divorce while our three beautiful daughters were only 5, 2 years and our youngest only 4 months.. It was the most painful experience I ever had in my life. But after 10 years, I have a loving relationship with all three of my daughters. And they also adore their step mom..we all make mistakes but with God’s love, we can make it right. You need to forgive yourself and make peace with your daughters and ex wife. God bless.
It is never too late!! Try to start healing that relationship and if you don’t succeed then try again! Believe me when I say they will never forget or forgive if you don’t start!
I have three daughters, 17 ,20, 23, all still living at home , all brought up in church there choice, my 23 year old is my most reliable and responsible I put her on her path after she told me she didn’t want to go to college, after i stopped and calm down I knew that she was going to take a different path , so in stead of focusing on a career , we focused on a 9 to 5 job that would yeld a income and future, she went to work for Publics food store… Along the way meet a guy from church and is very happy, My 20 year old has all kinds of mental health issues , she the daughter that was cutting herself and barely finished high school , but I was very much involved in her life so I was always aware of what she was doing , I realized she would need more attention than other three, then there’s my 17 year old smart, funny, strength, boldness, grear at math, wants to be a lawyer and attend college in California, completely opposite of the other two. What i see is the greatest asset for a father to pass down to there daughters is love them unconditional, yes be there to guide them, and in many cases encourage them , never tear them down . Be there when they fall ,but let them get up on there own. Always know what , who, when, where, how there doing. Easy right ? No! But every word , deed, gesture, counts for them or against them . I said all this to agree with Dr. Meg as a dad your job is 24 – 7 it never stops and it will always be the greatest journey of your life. Because God created that way.
Thanks for your comment, Tim. You’re so wise to recognize that your three girls are unique and in that uniqueness, need different things from you. Well done! You’re so right- this parenting thing is far from easy! Good to hear from you.
I like your comment best. I just went through a divorce. Let me step back a second….. I have a 2 year old daughter. She is everything to me!! I love her and I watch her… and I care for her…. I study on how to do an even better job, but I have a mean, controlling, angry, resentful, vindictive, and manipulative ex-wife who pretty much looks at our daughter as a device to hurt me. She just doesn’t get that it’s no longer about us…. but rather it’s about our daughter; Charlotte. Please pray for my ill wife , Megan Wells, to borrow the wisdom of God and to stop trying to hurt me by holding our daughter hostage.
So what about single moms? Our daughters are destined for failure in life?
Thank you for your comment. I have utmost respect for single moms who work their fingers to the bone to parent their kids! God’s grace abounds in situations that are not ideal. God’s desire is for your daughters to flourish- to live a life of intense joy and God’s glory. Please don’t misunderstand. This article is not designed to diminish the role of moms, especially single moms, or to declare that kids of single parent homes are destined for failure. It is simply meant to help dads understand the critical nature of their role in their kids’ lives.
Thank you for your clarification. I didn’t see anything like that in the article, so nice to see that you understand. However, not all single moms are struggling — or not ideal. I am a single mom by choice, as I choose to adopt a child from foster care. I have masters degree and we do just fine. I am not working my fingers to the bone to parent her. I guarantee you that the life she has with me is far better than the life she was born in to. I think it is important that kids have adults — both male and female in their lives that love them and support them and encourage them.
My life would have been 100% better had my mom raised me as a single mother. Believe me NO father would’ve been SO much better than the father I had. He made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of love. At 59 I continue to choose men exactly like dear old dad…
It is true, Terry, that fathers are not neutral. It’s the way God wired us. We are like fire. We will either warm our families or burn them completely to the ground. All of us struggle with daddy wounds. I’m so sorry that yours was so deep. Good news is, you have a Heavenly Father that will never disappoint!
I disagree with you. Men are not wired like fire. Our society has spoiled men and taught them to think that aggression and violence are cute. They are not cute.
And no all females, do not struggle with daddy wounds any more than boys and girls suffer with mother wounds. Stop continually spreading these man made, man exalting notions that you men created to make yourselves appear to be more important than women.
It’s nauseating and creepy!!
I think you go a little to far with these man exalting notions. Stop it.
Thus was my thought too.. now my daughter us destined to for failure as her dad abandoned us when I was pregnant with her… and he never looked back. Maybe not an ideal situation, but I we are doing the best we can
hey Jessica. Thanks for your comment. I have the utmost respect for you working hard to, in some ways, be mom and dad to your girl!
Get them around Christian men whom are mentors and vetted and backgrounder check by their employer. Youth pastors, Big brother programs, etc.
It is a great read, it is missing the part that says they need to respect the mothers. If they don’t show respect for the mothers of these girls – the daughters wont believe they deserve respect from a man as an adult or one who fathers their children.
Good word Michelle. One of the most important things a father can do for his daughters is love their mom well and selflessly pursue her heart.
Exactly! If the father reveres the mother and shows that love and respect in front of the children, the children will adopt that respect, too, while the boys learn how to love a woman, and the girls learn what degree of love and respect they should expect from the men in their lives. A father, mildly but firmly reminding children that they may not disrespect his wife is crucial! The mother must do the same regarding the father.
You didn’t understand Michelle.
She’s trying to remind you that mothers are crucial and valuable to the daughters, to her emotionally and physical development. She loves dad but he isn’t not more important.
Dad is not more important than the mother for the daughter. I can’t believe we are hearing messages in 4-2017, where men try to exalt themselves over the mother.
When my first daughter was born, something changed inside my heart that guided me to be what Dr Meeker has so rightly pointed out. When my second was born that felling of love doubled My daughters were and are my life. I knkw that they respet and love me. They are both grown professional women whose husbands asked me permission to marry them. I am so proud and happy to be my daughter’s Dad.
Thanks for your comment Ray. The world needs more dads like this!
The article was great.Im a Father of 5 young ladies.I Love them all.My wife and I have adopted all 5. My goal is to be a Father Like no other,one that stands for True Godly ways. Again the article is Awsome.
Thanks for your comment, Ed. I was adopted at 5 months. I think dads like you (and my dad) are heroes. Thanks for being a picture of God’s grace and adoption of us, his sons and daughters. Blessing.
Any father who is choosing to be one and not a biological father is a great man!
Some daughters experience complete and total neglect by their fathers, even though the father may be physically present in the home throughout her entire life. God intended for our families to be comprised of a mother and a father, both imperfect people committed to obeying God’s commands. However, I believe, based on personal experience, that many women attempt to prop up the facade of an “intact family” while suffering emotional, verbal, psychological, financial, and sometimes physical abuse at the hands of their husbands. Children suffer immensely while mom tries to hold everything together. While the idea of an “intact family” sounds amazing, the toxic home environment created by abuse is not physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually healthy for our children. Sometimes children – our daughters in this case – actually have a brighter future when the perpetrator of neglect and abuse is absent.
Thanks beentheredonethat. Your comment reminds me that we indeed live in a world that is deeply fractured by the effects of sin. I’m so thankful that the gospel is about making broken things new again!
I loved every word of this. My father was distant from my brother and I as we were growing up, he worked offshore and even when he was home, he wasn’t. He was often out doing other things that he shouldn’t have been doing with two kids. At that point I thought it was just the alcohol, but now that I’m older and have grown close to my mother, she has explained to me that it was so much more. I have never touched any type of drugs because I saw what it did to my mother and remember what it did to me. I remember too many nights lying away listening to my parents fight, or my mom waking my brother and I up to go find him late at night. Luckily my brother (who’s only 19 months younger than I) does not remember any of it. Now that we’re older, I find myself begging for my father’s attention while he gives it all to my brother. This has caused me to stay in many abusive relationships. I never quite understood how much of my issues were caused by the things he did until about 6 months ago. Again, I love this and will be sure to show it to the father of my kids one day. Thank you so much <3
Thanks for your comment Gabbi. Glad it blessed you.
In the midst of breaking up with my girlfriend & while just beginning college my first daughter was born. We were both very young and rather than work things out and be the father I should have been i decided to finish school and obtain my degree. I did so thinking that in order to provide adequate support for my daughter I would need a good job, but due my career &
geographical distance i rarely saw her. I was never the dad I wanted and hoped I would b ….20 years of hurt and sadness built up inside me because of all I had missed Eventually I married and a couple years into our marriage my wife gave birth to a baby girl. The second that child was born I realized the Lord had blessed me once again. I truly never knew what “love” really meant until that day. My second daughter is now 4 years old. I vowed to God that I would do everything different this time. I wouldn’t allow a career or any other selfish acts stand between me and being the father fo that child. The best, absolute best part of my day is when my baby girl comes into our home after school, yells “daddy, daddy” and jumps into my arms. I am however very concerned and do worry about the future as she grows older and life begins to take it’s course. I realize I’m not always going to be there to protect her. I do pray everyday that I am providing the proper parenting and guidance. I also pray she makes the right choices when that time does come. Thank you very much for the article and for allowing me to share.
You’re welcome, Terry. Thanks for your comment.
Dads, your behavior towards mom will also greatly affect your daughter’s views and future choices. If you abuse her mother, including emotional abuse, you destroy more than one woman. You are still the standard for her future boyfriends and husband. Think about that for a minute. And while we are at, how you treat mom will affect how your sons treat their future girlfriends and wife. Would you want your daughter with a man that behaves like you do towards mom or other women? If yes, good job. If not, time to self-evaluate.
Good word Shannon!
Couldn’t agree more!
Shannon, awesome reminder to us men that we need to not be so thoughtless in how we react.
Situations will arise from time to time and are perfect teaching moments.. Thank you
Our daughter are watching, I beg for the Lords grace in some situations, my daughters see how I respond and will use their experiences at home to evaluate how things “should be” in their own homes in the future. I thank God each day for wife as she has been my soul mate and partner for 23 years now. She has been able to turn on a light in me to point out all the things this article reiterates.Thank you Dr. for a beautiful and profound view I wish all men with daughters could read and respond too. I will share this article with my friends with daughters.
Thanks again Shannon for the reminder of how our girls see how us Dads treat, and should respect their Moms!!
I am a new young father. I grew up with a family of pretty much all boys. My family consists mostly of all boy offspring. I have been blessed with a beautiful daughter who just turned 1 month old and she has been the best thing that has happened to me and my wife. However, it does bring new challenges to me as I am not familiar with girls but I see what the world does to young women. I have to say I have been blessed to see this father daughter interaction written in this article between my wife and her father. Her father gives me encouragement and explains that not only are girls fun, loving, and sometimes complicated to raise (especially in this world). He told me to trust myself in making the right decisions to raise her the right way. After all, he would not have let me marry her if he didn’t think I could take care of her and treat her the same way he treated her. I enjoyed this article as it gave me encouragement the same way my father in law has given me encouragement. Thanks. I’ll get back to holding my beautiful daughter. 🙂
Thanks Jordan. What a blessing!
I just moved 700+ miles to be in my 13 year olds life more. I know how important it is. She talked to me on the phone tonight for an hour about her and her direction in life. She cried that she missed me and is looking forward to spending more time together. The sad part is her mother is angry and bitter towards me . she is very vocal about not wanting me to have any involvement in our daughters life. (She has other children that don’t see their father, or have any contact with him at all.) I am going to court multiple times a year just to see our daughter. I was thanked tonight by my Daughter for “being there” for her. I ran across your article and it brought tears to my eyes that I am doing it right. Thank you for the encouraging words. They work.
Keep up the good work, Perry! Glad you found our post moving!
Boy, this was so supportive. I sort of intuitively knew this but you layer it out so beautifully. This made my day, many thanks to you.
Thanks for your comment, Mark.
My husband was a wonderful father, husband and person but was killed in a car accident on April 3, 2014. This artical is true in so many ways but when a 14 yr old girl reads it it she sees that her life will be even harder than she knew. I explained to her that her daddy’s love will continue to shape her even though he is gone and I beloved it helped but it’s things like this that can actually hurt. Like I said I believe that girls definitely need their daddy’s but please in he future add something about when that just isn’t possible.
Kristi, First of all, thanks for your comment and transparency. I can’t imagine how difficult that is for you. Sounds like you’ve done a great job helping your daughter navigate something very painful. Way to go! Praying for you and your daughter to feel the weight of God’s mercy and comfort today.
I agree. I just lost my 32 year old husband. We had been married for 11 years. I am left to raise 6 children, 5 of them girls, without their Daddy. I know his love while he was alive will be their guiding light.
I know I was on the right track with my 13 year old daughter, she is my best friend we talke a lot about everything, social, political, sports, TV shows. My favorite time is when she talks about her day in school where I always sneak in teaching points or just what I believe in. She is a great young lady.
Thanks for your comment, B. Siyr. Great job pursuing your daughter’s heart!
GREAT ARTICLE .
I LOVE all my daughter’s and granddaughter’s unconditionally.
THEY ALL KNOW THIS AND LET THEM
LEAD THE WAY FOR ME .
if something is wrong we talk it out until
They tell me what we should for their best interest not mine.
IT WORKS!!!
Great job Michael! Thanks for the comment.
Then why does society tell me I am not needed?
Why do most TV shows and Commercials put me down?
Why do women want to be me, but put what is me down?
It’s true there is a massive misunderstanding of manhood and womanhood and God beautifully designed them to work together for the purpose of His glory and human flourishing.
Very good article. But a comment on the commentors. This blog was about dads and the influence they have on their daughters and the importance of being involved with their daughters. Obviously, not everyone lives the ideal life. Some of you have or had bad fathers. Some of you are or were married to bad husbands, but let’s focus on the story and not be tempted to quash a great message with the negativities of your particular situation. There’s a lot of talk about “respecting the mother”. That’s a two way street. Disrespectful mothers do as much harm to how a young woman should treat her husband as a bad husband. Deadbeat dads are a societal problem. But let’s not forget about the single mom who through the family courts has all but eliminated the father from his child’s life. Four days a month does NOT constitute quality time. But back to my point. There’s a flip side to every instance that everyone is bringing up. Bad mom, bad dad, deadbeat father, emotional cold mother, etc, etc. How about we just take the article for what it is and apply it where and if appropriate instead of tearing down the message because of our own faults, hurts and personal tragedies.
I completely agree with you Hall. I’m glad you shared your thoughts here as well. I’m a neutral party without children but I can honestly say that from my own experience, my relationship with my dad has had a large impact on who I am and has influenced my thinking tremendously. I see it in many of the choices I have made such as in choosing a partner, etc… Being a good father is the greatest gift you can give your daughter(s) regardless of what may happen to the family unit. Respect to all the dads out there that really show up for their daughters. It makes a huge difference in how their children will live their lives.
Thanks Dr. Meeker for such a wonderful post. I feel much more enlightened and clear about my role in my 4 year old daughters life. I am glad I read this article today and not 10 years later.
Great article and comments. My two daughters have earned Doctorates and I attribute that to my wife who loved me very much and taught the girls the importance of a loving father. Ditto my two grandaughters.
What does your wife teaching the daughters the importance of a loving father, have to do with them earning doctorates? Wasn’t them being successful from the combination of both your wife and you? Do you really think you ar more important than these girl’s mothers who are the one to give birth to them and then nurtured and guided and directed them?
Shouldn’t you have also taught them to love their mother.
Why are you and other men making successful daughters all about the dad. Does the dad raise the daughters alone. Is the mother chopped liver or what? My goodness, I cannot believe en. Are that evotiscial and cocky. Really guys, really?
My divorced son posted this and I couldn’t resist reading it. Being the grandfather, I am pleased to know that even I have influnce with all my grandchildren. Every man no matter what age needs to read this, it can’t hurt.
I loved your article on ” Dauaghters Need Their Dads”. Thank the Lord I grew up with a god honoring and loving dad who showed his affections to me. I love my dad and appreciate him always being there to instill the lessons needed to me. He has never let me down. He has been a shining example of a godly dad. Thank you for all you have taught me and have done for me dad. I love you!!!
As a father of 5 and 7 year old girls, this really resonates with me. Although, I don’t feel comfortable sharing the article with my wife because I feel like it belittles her role with the girls a bit.
“Daughters are never lukewarm in the presence of their fathers. They might take their mothers for granted, but not you. They light up—or they cry. They watch you intensely. They hang on your words. They hope for your attention, and they wait for it in frustration—or in despair. They need a gesture of approval, a nod of encouragement, or even simple eye contact to let them know you care and are willing to help.”
To insinuate that my girls don’t also feel this way about their mother is heartbreaking. I think my wife would feel similarly. What I hope that my wife and I convey to our girls is that the partnership of marriage is about mutual respect, equality and most of all, love. I think one of the best things I can do for them is love their mother with respect and not believe that my relationship with them is more important than with their mother.
Just my 2 cents.
Kurt, that was so wise and so inspiring. Thank you.
Wonderful article. I am 68 years old and could see my dad all through this article. I forwarded it to my son-in-law because I want my granddaughter to have all the wonderful memories of her father as I do mine. I also wanted him to know just how special he is to her.
I feel sad for the many fathers cut from their children’s lives through no fault or choice of their own because the moment does not believe they should be involved. Knowing this and then later they will be blamed for not being there.
So blessed to have both a Father and Mother and being raised well by good parents. And if every girl had a father like the article mentions that raised them well there would not be half the problems in the world that exist today!
You nailed it… give or take a big smile or a tear here and there you nailed it. My own grown up daughter is just now starting to express it the way you do. Thankyou for being a daughter, who has the talent to write it so it helps our daughters and us as Dads. Sometimes the smallest things occupy the largest spaces in our hearts, your article has found one of those spaces today. Thanks!
I struggle almost weekly. My teen daughter and I are very similar and this causes butting heads at times. I am often confused whether or not she is challenging me as a parent. Sometimes she ends up in tears when I feel I stand my ground as a parent
I will never give up trying but I make mistakes. I can use all the help I can get tryng to live up to everything this article suggests.
Jason, thanks for your comment. Good for you for entering the messy space of parenting teenagers. I have one in my home too. At LifeWay Men, we hope to provide trustworthy Bible study resources, like this one, to help
I am a daughter with 3 brothers. I felt like and still sometimes feel like I was always in competition for my fathers attention. I never realized how much influence he had and still has on me. He now has Alzheimer’s and lots of other medical issues and I am his Power of Attorney for his health care. I now remember he use to put my hair up in pig tails and curl my hair. I remember a table and chair he made for me then had a tea party with me at that very table! Our favorite song is by Red Sovine (not sure if I spelled his name right or not) it is “Daddy’s Girl”! If you have not heard it, please listen to it. He may not have taken me hunting, played ball, or things fathers and sons do but he always made sure I had a safe home and that I was brought up in church. My point is we daughters remember the small things our dads do for and with us.
This article is incredibly important!!
Dad’s remember…your Daughters will most likely pick Men just like YOU throughout their lives…
You are more responsible than you realize, for their ultimate well being…
Don’t screw it up…
Being a father is the best job in the world any one can have. You have to accept everything that comes with it. Don’t expect a raise. The only pay you’re going to get is the love you get from being a loyal father
I did not have a father figure in my life after age 7. I totally agree with this article. I searched for approval from boys to feel self worth. I have struggles still at times because of my childhood. Nurture your relationship with your children and they will blossom.
Thank you for your comment and your transparency, Kristi.
This is a good reminder to keep being a father to my one daughter who is in her 30s, married, the mother of two wonderful boys, involved in church, home schools the boys and wants me to still be involved in her life and the lives of her sons. I help the boys with the music part of their education.
May our daughters be like graceful pillars, carved to beautify a palace Psalm 144 12 b. Great article. Many a time I wish I could go back and do it again and do it right.
Awesome article! My dad died when I was 10 and he taught me so much in 10 yrs. I thank God that he spent time with me. His impact is ever lasting and my life today is a reflection of having a dad spend quality time with me.
First and foremost I am grateful to have my daughter as she has changed me.
Sad reality I face is not been with my daughter.Funny how life is,men are constantly labelled as dogs and cheaters yet in my case I was dealt the infidelitly card and still my daughter has to live with the mother and the same man that destroyed our life
So now reading the article I ask myself,what lies ahead for her,what is learning or been taught
I am still crying…..thank you for those beautiful words. I have the pleasure and blessings of two beautiful and wonderful daughters. The highlight of my life was our daily lives together as I nutured and watched them grow. What Pride, Joy and Love they bring to my life. Even today my heart is full watching them as adults. And yes you are very correct. The way we, they and I light up when we are together is beyond words. Thank you Emily and Audrey!
Reading articles like this makes me sad, due to the fact I had an emotionally absent father growing up.
Luckily my mother was quite the opposite. I just hope a lot of dads read this article and take note.
I have a 5 year old little girl who is the apple of my eye. I was unemployed from January of 2015 until December. So we pulled our kids out of daycare during this time(also have a son who is 8) and I can’t begin to tell you how lucky I was as a dad to get this time with my kids. Especially my little girl because her brother was in school so her and I spent everyday for the last year together. We would colour or paint, play outside, go for walks, go to the playground. She would do my hair and I would do hers or we would just cuddle and watch tv. We became so close I would often refer to her as my lap dog. If I went from the bedroom to the kitchen she was right there beside me. If I went out to mow the lawn, she would be right out there with me pushing her toy lawn mower. If I wanted to nap? You guessed it, she would be napping right beside me. She started Kindergarten this past fall and I watched in anticipation as she left my side to go explore the world on her own(kind of). I was nervous that her attitude towards me would change as she learns and grows. That has not happened and your article just drove that point home for me. I know that one day a man will come into her life and take her away from me but now I realize that nobody can take away what her and I have been building and will continue to build as she grows. The favourite part of my day is when she gets out of the tub with her curly hair all wet and knotted and tangled and she will jump up on the couch with her doll and hair brushes and says “Daddy it’s time to play hairdresser” so she combs her dollies hair and I comb hers. I just wish I could comb her hair forever.
This article was pure truth. I was raised by my grandparents and a big daddies girl until my stepmother came into my life where my life was flipped upside down. My mother was in and out of the picture. I’ve blocked out my entire childhood and feel like I can’t remember any of it. My stepmother became his world and he threw me to my grandparents to be raised by them, while he went and started a family with her. I was forgotten and left for whoever wanted me. I was hurt, still am almost 21 years later. I was never a bad kid though, my grandfather became my father figure but seeing my dad on a daily bases with his new family got to me everytime. I would have to beg my half sisters to ask if I could come stay the night with them just to be noticed half the time. I was never invited out of no where I always had to ask and I felt like a burden when I had to do that. Eventually I stopped asking and put up walls and tried not to notice him. He never showed up at my high school graduation or even walked me down the isle at my own wedding as a matter a fact he never showed up. Now I’m scared to death he will hurt my kids like I’ve always felt. He makes them smile and laugh and disappears for months at a time and I don’t want a half time grandparent for my kids. so I set up an argument to keep him away from not only me but them as well. We haven’t spoke in months and I don’t plan to communicate with him. He hasn’t even tried to make any contact or make amends, even if he did he wouldn’t change. He’s always promised things would change but they never did. I forgive him but it causes me more pain to be in and out of his life, than to just push him away and keep him out. So that’s what I’ve done. I still cry myself to sleep some nights when I think about it or hear my grandmother bring him up or my half siblings but I can’t keep putting myself or my kids through that. I’ve been a little bit happier since I’ve pushed him out until I hear his name then it brings back the pain and opens those old wounds. It’s still going to be a journey and I’ve thought about getting counciling and help for the depression, I just haven’t gotten around to going to talk to my doctor about it.
I have a 29 and a 25 year old daughters and an eight year old son all of whom I love beyond words can describe. Dr Meg, I was highly emotional when I read the posted article and reflected on the behaviour of my daughters, and son. You are so accurate that it is worth reading and I’d strongly recommend to all male to read. It is important that we realise how we could either “make” or “break” our children. I have shared your article on facebook. God bless you.
Thank you for sharing!
Well although a moving article I hope it is not true because my girl’s father cancels frequently and is a compulsive liar…I pray my guidance, love, wardrobe, and moral compass influences them in some manner as this article acts as though it does not!
Hi Cara. Thanks for your comment. This article was in no way meant to devalue the role of mothers in their daughters’ lives. My wife is an incredible mother to my 11-year-old daughter. I can never ever provide for her the things my wife can. Dr. Meg’s article doesn’t dismiss that. It is simply meant to speak (to our audience of men) into the importance of fathers being gospel-centered influences on their daughters’ lives.
I tell my 3 year old every day that she is “smart,strong and beautiful (inside and out) and in that order” to instill confidence in all that she is. Emphasizing that while she is a pretty little girl there is so much more to her that should be valued first. I grew up without any sisters and was scared when I first had a little girl, but now realize that they are the greatest of blessings. I want nothing more than for her to carry herself with pride, confidence and respect throughout her life. I take it as my life’s mission to instill it in her.
What is your advice for a six year old girl with an absent father who desperately wants a dad, but he will have nothing to do with her?
Thanks for your comment. It breaks my heart. I would say that first and foremost you pray desperately that God would be incredibly real in your daughter’s life. That He would be, as Psalm 68:5 says, a father to the fatherless to her. Second, it’s very important that she does have men in her life whom you trust to speak into her life- such as a pastor, uncle, cousin, Godly man at your church. Also, pray that the heart of her father would be captivated by Christ and that he would repent. Blessings on you and that sweet six year old.
I think it’s great that daughters need their dads. What is absolutely horrible though, is how many dads there are in society who want to be dads, but the family law system and jaded women work together to alienate these dads from their daughters. What’s horrible is that these mothers lie and tell these daughters that dad doesn’t want to be there, and then, these daughters go searching for another type of dad. More women need to see why daughters need a dad, then maybe they’ll stop being jerks to their own daughters and dad can finally come around.
Young girls who have no positive male roll models in their life can be easily seduced by men she sees as father figures. Men take advantage of these young girls and see them as promiscuous when quite the opposite is true. To all you step dads and future stepdads: if you are dating the mother of girls RUN if you are not willing to step up and be a father. I don’t care how old your future step daughter(s) are they need you to be the man in their life. Regardless of her behavior, be a respectful example of how a father treats his daughter. If her dad is in the picture great. You must still let her know you are there for her. If her father is not in the picture your job is even tougher because she has already been let down by the most important man in her life. Be prepared for a fight! Fight for her! She’s worth it!!
Sadly I never took the dad out of the picture but he vanished four five years than came back and than after a visit on her birthday he left again and continued it sadly at the age of 15 my daughter started to be someone I never knew while me her mom dating a older guy thinking he would be a good example but instead had a vulgar mouth and was very abusive my daughter started being the same way with me. It broke my heart because my daughter and son were both the reason I fought to staying alive. Today my daughter is 21 blames me for her life. Says it’s cause of me she became gay because of the men in my life. My son he instead just started being out of control by doing drugs. I find I failed as a mom who gave up everything to be in there life 100%. I had a good father a father who was always in my life a father who I was a friend with. I still can not understand where I went wrong and I fear the thought of my daughter hating me.
This is totally true, I am 64 and I have a bad memory of a cold, absent and unaffectionate father. It so happens that in my personal life, I was always drawn towards that same type of character in a man. Needless to tell you that my personal life (still now) is a mess. If I had found that out earlier in life, I am sure my life would have been different.
Thank you for this article. As the father of 3 beautiful teenage girls, you have no idea how much I and im sure other fathers as well, needed to hear this. Thank you…
This brought a tear to my eye! I am blessed with 2 daughters who could not be more different yet who I love with all my heart
Is there any way to print this out? I sit on the child and family law committee, I am a NH state Representative and my committee needs to read this!
Yes. Kim, there should be a “print” button just below the title of the article. Let me know if I can help you.
Words of True Wisdom
God Bless You Meg May Your Words of Wisdom Educate and Inspire Your Readers for the Betterment of Mankind
….Recently being separated i read this and have now stopped in my tracks., i have two beautiful daughters 15 & 10 years of age which i am very close. im very blessed to have them every other week. i really needed to hear these words of encouragement as in today’s society we think we have no say or power in young girls minds because of the obstacles we face, but this makes me want to be even stronger in my fight to keep my daughters eyes on god. Thank you again for the words needed.
Thanks for your comment Matt. Glad this was meaningful to you!
At the age of 93, my father passed away. I was 61. As we draw near the first anniversary of his passing, my heart is still heavy from the loss. I suspect that will not change much. My mother passed at 49, I was 17. I sometimes find myself quoting her words, or would show my sons and now my two granddaughters “how my mother taught me this” or that. But my whole life, the weight of the words and actions of my father were received by me differently, and I believe some of the choices I’ve made in my life were directly related to the fact that I did not ever want my father to be disappointed in me. Since his passing, I am finding that I must now make good choices for myself and only since his passing have I realized that many decisions in my adult life, his approval, verbal or nonverbal, was of utmost importance to me.
I have seen the truth in this article for myself in my own daughters(I have 4). Their mother even comments on it all the; how the girls act sooo differently the minute I walk into the room. Reading this makes me want to even try harder to build up our relatiopnship even more. Thank you so much for the insight!
Great read, could you write up one about the importance of a father to his son
Thanks for that suggestion Jason. We’re working on it currently. Stay tuned.
Excellent read….but now makes me feel like I’ve not been a good father. I worked hard for my family but missed my kids growing up, But after reading this I didn’t know I could still be an influence in my teen daughters life…..I can’t make up for lost time but sure as hell will make better of the time I spend with my 2 daughters and son…..words can help and this is a very powerful statement……
Thank you for this article and it is a truly wonderful sentiment. My daughters have taught me so much and our relationships cannot be stronger.
I truly appreciate your refreshing view.
My experience has been that the courts and society does not share this view.
Through prolonged divorce, I am distanced from my girls. And the cost to gain what I have was significant.
I hope that more women will look upon your article for guidance.
The courts are strongly in favour of the mother, and to some extent this makes sense.
But men offer a different spice to the life I want my girls to enjoy.
Again, thank you for this article.
Kind regards,
Dave
I was told about this early on and one of my wife’s wise friends reinforced this with me. (I love my wife’s friends – they are truly wise women and support our marriage in the way they encourage her and pray with her.) I have two sons and a daughter, Hope being the “middle” child. She turns 17 today. I have always tried to be the kind of man I hope for her to marry someday so that A) she will transfer her formative relationship from her father to a young man of like kind, B) all other men will fail that comparison, and C) she will imitate the kind of wife her mother is to me. So far she hasn’t had any formal boy friends, but she does have a good make friend from her school. This young man is a Christian, even a fellow Baptist, as well as similarly experienced with ministry to South America. (He’s a PK and his dad is a former MK to Peru. Hope and her brothers have accompanied my wife and I to Venezuela for the past decade.) He took her to the prom last year. Before he even asked her, he came to me and asked me if he could ask her. How could I say no? If this is the kind of potential suitor that my daughter is attracting, then perhaps I’ve done okay.
Great job of being intentional, Jim! Thanks for sharing.
Dr. Meeker,
A great article, but what about the father that has nothing to do with their daughters? I met my girlfriend when she had a 14 year old and an 18 year old, who was out of the house by then, and their father had nothing to do with them for the previous 5 years of their life, after their mother had gotten divorced. I have been with this women now for 14 years, and having no kids of my own, I adore these two girls like they were my own, and their real father only talks to them when he needs something. I have tried to be there for the girls with anything they need, and even though their mother and I are not married, I feel like I am more of a father than the ex who could care less about his own children. I know of several men who have stepped into this role and are truly more a father figure than some ex sperm donors.
Great job Larry! God has sovereignly placed you in the girls’ lives. I know you are such a blessing to them!
As a psychotherapist with over 30 years of experience, I strongly disagree with this statement: “Fathers, more than anyone else, set the course for a daughter’s life.” Women and men in our culture struggle enough with absent mothers and/or fathers without labeling them with permanent wounds outside if their personal power to heal. A call to fathers and men to step up is healthy…..a verdict on the impact on the child: unhealthy. Furthermore, current relationships, no matter how old a woman is, provide another opportunity for healing or worsening original wounds. Our daughters need hope, not psychological sentences.
Dr. Carol Carlsen
Perfect and so very true
Perfectly stated!
What a great article that is so true. I have a son 25, daughter 22, and daughter 17. My ex husband left me for another woman 15 years ago. He has never been an involved father. During our divorce he only fought for more time with our kids to try to keep his child support lower. During this fight his own family members supported me in helping the judge understand his only concern was protecting his wallet. The judge ruled in my favor but gave my ex time with the kids that was convenient to my ex’s work schedule. The very first month my ex stopped all mid-week visits and didn’t take advantage of the extra time (Thursday night-Monday at school time) he was given and said he was ok with Friday-Sunday.
I know how important a dads role is. I’ve kept my ex informed of conferences, activities, recitals all the events of their lives. When he didn’t show for things over the years I saw the intense hurt it was causing. It’s frustrating because I was stuck trying to pick up the pieces when he caused this hurt! I was the one drying the tears and trying to love them enough for both parents. The basketball game he didn’t show up to when he promised, the graduation he blamed my kids for missing saying they told him the wrong time, when they didn’t! The many times that two months or more had passed since they talked to him, his wife writing my 3 kids a letter about him choosing HER not them! At one time being $15,000 plus behind in child support! Through all this I didn’t tell my kids and only tried to keep encouraging their relationship with their father.
This article is so true because even through all this hurt my kids keep trying to make a relationship with their dad. In the fall when I was having a conversation with my 16yr old daughter (who tells me everything) about her loss of over 30lbs in the past year she shared with me the pain she is suffering. She told me she was depressed, had anxiety and thought of ending her life! She was afraid to tell me because she overheard me in the summer say that I thought suicide was selfish. She told me it had to do with her dad not being there. My daughter is beautiful inside and out, she has a 4.0 GPA while taking physics and honors pre-calculus, she dances beautiful ballet and pointe, she excels at everything she does including being the youngest hostess at a busy famous restaurant and just getting an awesome review and a raise! Even with all this going for her she is struggling! She looked at me one day and said “I just feel like a disappointment to dad!” It breaks my heart! I got her into couseling and she is doing much better.
I love my kids so much I would do anything for them! The frustrating part is that I can’t fix this! I can’t make him be a better, more present father.
I remember watching Barbara Walters Oscar special when she interviewed Jamie Foxx who was nominated for an Oscar for his portrayal of Ray Charles in “Ray.” Barbara Walters asked him about being raised by his grandma. He talked about being an all A student, his parents didn’t come around. He was an outstanding athlete thinking that his parents would care then, they didn’t. He said it took him a long time to realize it wasn’t HIM it was THEM! I cried when I saw that interview knowing my children would struggle with those same issues! Even more frustrating and hurtful to my kids is watching him be a “present” father to their half sister. Also he has been going to church the past few years trying out 4-5 different churches, even though I had to beg him to go with me and the kids on Christmas and Easter to the church the kids and I attended regularly. My daughter also said he recently got a tattoo of a cross with Jesus’ face over it which takes up his whole arm. I’m confused how him being a better father to his new daughter hasn’t made him realize what he is missing with his first 3 kids. Or how his new found faith hasn’t shown him how important his children should be in his life!
Like this article points out it is the father/daughter relationship. My daughters keep wanting this approval from their father and they don’t get it. My son seems to be ok. My son also keeps in touch with him more because of their common interest in hunting and fishing. I just want all my kids to be happy, healthy, confident and a peace whether or not their dad is in their life or not. Hopefully lots of fathers get the message in this article! It is so important!
Success speaks for itself. Believe it or not. That goes for any religion. I can only tell the story from my own narrow minded perspective but I will never be apologetic for a hero of any story or for the villain.
You know, I read this and agree with the article. I tried this with my daughter but failed. You see, I’ve come to realize that not all girls need their dads. She rarely if ever asks me to do anything with her and when she does it’s as if we are just two completely different people with very little to talk about. I wish I could have been a better father to her but I just never learned how. Hopefully, in spite of all this, she grows up to have a very successful life.
Oh wow. This breaks my heart. Not because what you wrote isn’t fact, but because it is the truth and that truth is scary. At least in my world. I’m a single mom. I’ve already walked one daughter down the isle because her bio father walked away and signed away any claim to her. She is in a rocky marriage with a man who didn’t have either parent around very much. So it’s scary watching them.
But I also have a 7 year old daughter without a daddy. My heart hurts to see how she already sees differences in our world. She knows she is supposed to have a daddy. She cries when there are daddy/daughter activities.
But I am their only parent. The only one to stick through the hard stuff. I get the rewards but they NEED a daddy. That’s the area that no matter how great a parent I am (which I’m not), I can’t be the daddy too.
I need to ask an opinion on something. I’m a mother of three kids, 2 boys (3 and 8) and one girl (5). Before I go on, I just want to say that my husband is an awesome father, he is very attentive with all of our children, and he’s really good in the bedroom with me after hours, sorry tmi. Just one thing is kinda seeming odd to me, but maybe I’m just over reacting. My daughter just turned 5 and sometimes she still needs help in the bath, she has really long hair, and a lot of times my husband is in there helping her. I’ve asked him repeatedly not to be in there with her, because she’s getting too old. He just will not need my directive, he just goes by the theory that because I did the same thing with our older son when he was 5, that it automatically makes it okay for him to do it with her. Which is true, our son did often get help with hair washing from me when he was 5, but I’m his mother. My husband has this theory that my boundaries with our son, and his boundaries with our daughter (relative to the age of the child) should be identically streamlined, no exceptions; and our boundaries with our same sex children, while a little more liberal, should also be streamlined in the same way. Am I the only who think this is a bit odd? My husband says that I still think it’s 1974, and that I’m wrong to try to make him feel less bonded to our children in any way. Is his theory right or is it potentially harmful to our daughter’s development? Any advice?
This is something that every father needs to read. I grew up in an abusive home, with an abusive father. I wish someone would have shown him this. I wish someone would have shown him how his actions, and words would impact me. ( I’ve spent years trying to recover from what his abandonment.) My wish is that more father’s start loving their daughters, and taking care of them. I hope they inspire and encourage. It breaks my heart to realize that so many young girls are being abandoned and/or abused by the person they love the most. Thank you so much for writing this, and showing light onto a sad and dark reality for so many young girls.
I try my best to be the best dad I can be. I will pick up my twin daughters for the weekend in a few hours. I wish there was a way to make the relationships work, so this separated way of living didn’t happen.
This excerpt is very well written and I’ve found myself returning to read this several times. I dropped my daughter off at college a few weeks ago and as hard as it was, I know she’s going to fly. What an awesome girl and our relationship is rock solid. For any new dad’s of daughters reading this, I have some advice of my own…
1. Always stress there isn’t anything she can’t do. As she grows, you yourself will be amazed at what you learn from her.
2. Be as involved as you can in her events. Get to know her teachers, coaches and mentors. Most of them can turn out to be friends… some of them your best friends.
3. Whatever higher power you believe in… teach her what you know. Faith can be all she may have at a later time in her life. We went to church every Sunday… it keeps your family together and God gives you so much more than the little you give Him.
4. Invest in her future early. We started a college tuition plan when she was born. It didn’t take care of all of her expenses but it helped a lot. If she doesn’t go to college… nothing lost.
5. Last but not least… nobody is perfect but lead by example. Know she is watching you and use that as a guide in decisions you make.
What you have written is from my personal experience a 100% truth. My Dad passed away many years ago, and as I look back now at the age of 55 years old, I acknowledge more than ever how critical my fathers guidance was to my life. I had a great relationship with my Dad, he was my pal – but in hindsight from my perspective today I did not need a pal – I needed a Dad with whom I could have discussed my future, my insecurities, my confidence, my hopes and dream – what I needed was a fathers guidance. When we are young, we know it all – but when you get older you realize just how off course your knowing it all was. Even today at my age I sometimes feel lost and I need a Dad to talk to – but the space is empty. A husband can never fill the space of a Dad when it comes to advice.
This is a great article, but unfortunately it only works part of the time. I did all the things I thought I was supposed to, much of it reflected in this article. But in the end, my beautiful daughter falsely accused me of unspeakable things because of the influence of her mother and her new husband.
It has been over 4 years and I have been estranged from her in all that time. Sometimes you love someone to the fullest, but in the end, you can experience pain you did not think possible.
Please also remember the good dads who loved and lost. Life is not always so simple. Sometimes the evil “out there” is in our daughter’s very home
Nice post !
Thank you for your comment.
Such a wonderful post it is! I think, Fathers are imperative to their girls. The way a lady feels about herself is particularly subject to how she was dealt with by her dad as she was growing up. Without a father’s unrestricted love, young ladies can grow up to have low confidence and low mental self-view. The absence of a father’s affection can leave a young lady with genuine self-esteem issues, particularly in the event that she sees that her dad surrendered her.
That’s not true. A dad does not build the daughter’s self esteem. Daughters without dads, don’t have low confidence either. The Bible soeaks of instruction and teaching from the parents. The dad is there to guide and protect. The mother is told to take care of the home and the children. Women are told to teach other women. Not men. She instructs her daughter in ways that a man/ dad never can. She’s a female remember.
Don’t try to make a man made doctrine out if this. A man cannot teach a daughter how to be a woman. Yes, he can scold her about dating rough boys, but the mother and dad raise their children together. Please do not diminish the mother. Anyone with training in child care and child psychology can tell you that the most important parent to a child, is the like
gender parent. . So know that the mother is the like gender parent to the daughter. The mother teaches the daughter and helps her to develop into a strong, confident woman, not dad by himself.
Be careful what information you put out there.
This article is to, in no way, diminish the role of mothers! However statistics could not be more clear cencerning the importance of fathers in the lives of their daughters (and sons, for that matter).
Deeply feeling in my spirit what this article is speaking about, I feel very grieved. I am currently separated from wife and daughter. I think CONSTANTLY about what I am not able to “give” my daughter and how she (and I) is missing out on all the memories and more like this article says. I have been grieved in my spirit to the point of asking the Lord to take my life, but then I think that I do not want my daughter to be unequivocally fatherless. I never would have imagined that another person could have such a drastic affect on me, and vice versa. She has really taught me what real love that does not quit is. She has taught me what loving someone just for who they are is like, as well as experiencing someone loving me for just being me… her father. My heart is twisted in anguish at my separation from her, especially knowing that it was due to my past sins that it happened. In the past, I chose sin over righteousness and the good “hard” choice, now my daughter has to pay for it. Sin exacts a heavy price even upon those who might not even be alive when the sin is committed.. God has forgiven me of all my sins and has greatly changed my heart to desperately long for Him and His righteousness… I pray that He will restore my day by day relationships with my wife and daughter, and help me to make up for times and moments lost. Jesus, it’s all in your more than able hands… no matter what, I Will Follow You!
Wow. I really do not understand those personally offended by this article. In no way shape or form is the writer saying your daughter’s life will be a failure. They were merely pointing out the importance of what father’s DO provide in a child’s life. I can tell you from having a very abusive father that these words are true. I suffered with very low self esteem, eating disorders, depression for many years and all these years later still have my moments. Mothers can not be father’s and father’s cannot fulfill the roles of mothers. Sad but true. I gained strength from my lack but my life would have been much easier if things had been different. I don’t believe any one is shortchanging mothers here but showing men how vital they are.
Thanks for this post!
Thanks bro. Love your stuff too!
Totally agree with your genius tips.And the images are so colourful.
anyway, thank you for your hard work! I have a son and a daughter.Hope it will be working for my sweet daughter.Thanks again!!
This is one of the best articles I have read so far,I just go tears out of my eyes.
Nicely briefed the importance of father in this generation ,
No adjective I can use with confidence to describe the usefulness of this article. I need to work harder and smarter in preparing my daughter for the life she is facing and will face. Could I be a father up to the requirement of this article? I wish I were! Any way I will be and do to the best of my self.
I want to read similar articles.
God bless you, Dr Meg Meeker
I love this article. I only hope and wish my daughter feels these ways. She is actually my step daughter, I have been her Dad since she was 2. Her biological Dad has chosen to not be around. Recently she is favoring her future father-in-law despite all I have done and continue to do. It hurts. What should I do?
My daughters father has autism. Cannot show any respect to me their mother. He is emotionally distant, often away and can’t approve. My father was the same with autism. It makes life hell for daughters. You are constantly seeking the approval that never comes. They criticise and find fault constantly. What to do with these fathers? They are 1:38.
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Hi All,
Wondering if all you can provide some advice.
Here is the issue.
I fell in love with a co-worker of mine and we would see each other after and before work for 2 years. Then we found out she was pregnant. We decided to keep it a secret but somehow my kids found out about and Pandora’s box was opened it.
In 2016, my wife confronted me about my baby and told her yes it was true. I’m not denying her. My wife and two daughters were devastated with my infidelity. We have gone through some counseling, marriage retreats through the church, and have become more involved in our religion.
She has forgiven me along with my kids but not forgotten my actions.
I’ve have asked my wife to please let me see my daughter who is now 4 but has told me to wait. I ask her when but keeps telling me that God would decide when. But after reading this blog its important for kids to have a father figure in their life.
My baby’s mom is not married.
What bothers me the most is somebody will come into my daughter’s life who might not love her or take care of her like I would. I miss her so much. I was with her the first two years before I was caught.
It hurt and kills me because I cannot see her.
My wife tell me that’s it’s the price to pay. I cannot contact the mom or the daughter.
I think about my daughter all the time. I love her like I love my other two.
What should I do?
Somebody please help!
Hey Dr. Meg,
Thanks so much for sharing this wonderful knowledge with me. I’m a mother of 2 daughters and this feels like the most powerful parenting advice I’ve heard in a while.
I’m sharing it on my social right away!
Another Christian blog found.
Thanks for this
❤️
I was certain my wife and I would have a little boy, but it was a girl. I bought Megs book Strong Daughters and Strong Fathers. I know that often times kids perceive God the same as their earthly father. Today I have 4 girls to raise. 1 bio, 2 adopted, and 1 foster. I seek to meet all my daughters needs so they don’t seek it elsewhere all the while teaching them about our father in heaven that loves them way more than I could ever love them. I love the front row seat of posturing them before the king and letting him change their heart. God is so good all the time.
Keep up the good work James!
As moms and dads it is both our responsibilities to our children. I think though that a girl will one mom and dad and whether dad is there or not, the mom needs to strengthen her daughter and she can.
Self esteem. build ner strength. The son needs affirmation from both parents as well.
Thanks for sharing our post!