Women in your ministry are hurting. It can be easy to cover up, but it’s a reality. As a women’s leader, how can you help hurting women? In case you missed it yesterday, head over to All Access to read What to Do When the Bottom Falls Out. Know that we are praying for you as you minister to the women the Lord has placed in your church, community, and sphere of influence.

Devastated.

Heartbroken.

These emotions have come in waves the last few days. In a season where everything seemed to be going so well, the bottom fell out. Over the weekend, I found myself crying in the middle of an episode of The West Wing that wasn’t even a sad moment. We’re never really prepared for hard seasons in life. In each of our lives, these situations look different, but we all face difficult situations.

What do you do when the bottom falls out? In other words, when life comes at you and you’re faced with a difficulty, how do you handle it? Here are a few things that have been helpful to me in challenging seasons:

1. Pray. While this may seem cliché or obvious, just pray. Sometimes, I have to literally get on my face before the Lord. If you’re not comfortable doing that, pray in whatever posture you feel led. Something as simple as getting on our knees before the Lord shows our submission and reverence towards him. As you pray, confess your sins to God. If you’ve been hurt, pray for those who have hurt you. Talk to God just like you were talking to a friend. Sometimes, we don’t know how to pray, but the Holy Spirit intercedes for us (Romans 8:26).
2. Get in the Word. Spend time in Scripture and Bible study. If you don’t know where to start or how to understand, check out this post. Ask the Lord what He’s trying to teach you during this difficulty. When the bottom was falling out last week my brother said, “Mary Margaret, get in the Word and pray. It’s all you can do.” I honestly wanted to sit in my bed and cry (which happened for a little while), but then I got out my Bible. God’s Word never returns void. Never. (Isaiah 40:8; 55:11)
3. Surround yourself with other believers. Sunday morning, I really didn’t want to get out of bed and go to church, but I’m so glad that I did. The sermon hit home, and the Lord spoke so clearly to the situation I’m in right now. While this doesn’t always happen so specifically, it’s important to be in fellowship with other believers. We are called to “bear one another’s burdens,” and Galatians 6:1-10 speaks directly to this subject.
4. Seek wise counsel. In different seasons of my life, I’ve sought help for dealing with challenging life circumstances. I’ve seen Christian counselors, and had women who have been wise counsel pour into my life in a very intentional way. I’m so grateful for the truths that God showed because I sought help. Don’t let pride or shame keep you from seeking needed help. (Proverbs 11:14; James 1:5-6)
5. Recognize that you’re not alone. If I’ve learned one thing as an adult, it’s that everyone has something going on. If you think someone’s got it all together or doesn’t have problems, you don’t know them well enough (or they’re not being honest)! While it’s not our job to air out everyone else’s problems, gossip, or put words in other people’s mouths, we need people to talk to. Use discretion as you talk, but don’t go at it alone. (Psalm 56:1-4)

Earlier this spring at one of the Living Proof Live events, Beth Moore said, “There is not a single secret or darkness in our life that God can’t transform.” This is powerful truth, sister! We have to allow the Lord to come in and do his transforming work. Sometimes, we’re the one at fault. Other times, we’re on the receiving end of the consequences of someone else’s actions. Wherever you find yourself, know that God loves you and cares about your needs.

Run to Him when the bottom falls out.

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23

Mary Margaret is an Event Project Coordinator on the Church Education Ministry team at LifeWay. She works alongside Chris Adams and coordinates training events for women’s ministry leaders like YOU Lead and the Women’s Ministry Forum. Mary Margaret has served several churches in the area of Girls Ministry and she recently completed a Master of Arts in Christian Education at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. In her spare time, she writes for Story of My Life - her personal blog.

• Tough situations among leaders on your team
• Personal family trials
• Issues in your church body that threatens a split
• Betrayal by someone close to you
• The need to forgive someone you don’t even like
• Wonderful ministry opportunities abounding but not enough hours in the day to oversee them all
• A God given vision for ministry that no one else seems to “get”
• Temptation in an area that you have struggled with for a long time

Okay, here are few things you can do:

• Take each one to God, list them out in a journal or on your iPad
• Remember, God knows each one, and knew when you would face each one
• Seek some wise counsel from trusted Christian friends/co-workers
• Pray and lay them down before the Lord again
• Ask a prayer warrior or two to pray specifically about each one
• Study the Word to hear directly from God on the issues you are dealing with
• Allow God to do what only He can do in each situation
• Stay in the Word and prayer daily

Now, how can you help other women you lead to face pressure points the same way? Perhaps a Bible study you lead your women’s team through, or that you offer for other women’s small groups in your church.

Take a look at this message from Chip Henderson from the Bible Studies for Life small group study, Pressure Points as he discusses the issue of temptation.

Consider personally walking through this study, or leading your women through this study that addresses pressure points we face along our faith journey.

Six Ways to Honor Your Dad on Father’s Day | Emily Dockery

Hopefully the following ideas – several of which I have tested on my own father – will help make this Father’s Day one that ranks high above a trip to the dentist. [Click here to read more.]

A Prayer About Our Calling to “Belong” to Jesus | Scotty Smith

And you also are among those Gentiles who are called to belong to Jesus Christ. Rom. 1:6 Dear Lord Jesus, this one little verse touches something quite big in our lives—the notion of “belonging.” [Click here to read more.]

Father Power | Ken Canfield

A father has enormous power. For good or bad, by his presence or absence, action or inaction, whether abusive or nurturing, he has a profound influence on the lives of his children. [Click here to read more.]

9 Things You Should Know About Fathers and Father’s Day | Joe Carter

This Sunday is the day Americans set aside to honor their fathers. Here are 9 things you should know about dads and Father’s Day. [Click here to read more.]

8 Inexpensive Way to Celebrate Father’s Day | Nicholas Pell 

June is here and that means it’s time for Father’s Day. But honoring your dad doesn’t have to mean dropping a pretty penny on an expensive gift. [Click here to read more.]

More Father’s Day Resources:

• Courageous Dads Simulcast featuring Alex and Stephen Kendrick, Dennis Rainey, Sammy Rodriguez, Tommy and Bobby Bowden, Comedian Michael Jr., and more
• All Pro Dad Bible study from Mark Merrill

Sunday we celebrate Fathers and just like Mother’s Day, there are some women who will struggle this day. Maybe it will be because they lost their father recently, or perhaps they never had a father figure in their lives. Maybe she and her husband are struggling with infertility.  Be sensitive as you attend church Sunday and celebrate this special day. Watch for faces that reflect pain and just let them know you noticed and you care.

For a great Father’s Day message and reminder about our perfect Father, take time to read this blog post by Betsy Ore Glass: Father’s Day. I absolutely love her blog because of all the “beach” photos and “Reflections by the Sea,” my happy place!

It’s yours for free! Simply right-click on the art and save it to your computer. Then, make it your Facebook cover photo!

Facebook Cover Art

When she finally called to ask what was up, I confessed that I couldn’t even bring myself to read the email because I didn’t want to face a conflict.  As it turned out, she was simply trying to tell me that she had a conflict with a time we’d set to have lunch.

I was so afraid of the word that I was miserable and lonely for three days because I hate conflict.

I’m also the person who changes the channel when one of those reality singing shows comes on if I think the judges will say something less than glowing. But that’s blog for another day!

However, the reality is that small groups are made up of people and people tend to be difficult at times. That’s why we need a Savior! Instead of being overwhelmed by that reality and avoiding small groups like the plague, I’ve discovered a few tools for both avoiding conflict and dealing with it.

God’s Word must be the foundation.  This doesn’t necessarily mean that we are only studying scripture when we meet, but it does mean that we are incorporating scripture any and every time we are together.  Many of the Bible study groups or ministry teams I lead have committed to memorizing the same group of scriptures each week.  We often text each other scripture throughout the week.  I have a dear group of friends who were all raising kids at the same time years ago. Any one of us could text another “4:8” as an encouragement to guard our minds in the midst of struggles because we memorized Philippians 4:8 in our small group.

Praying for and with your group is a non-negotiable.  My job as a small group leader is not just to prepare lessons or be hospitable or plan meetings.  The primary job of the leader is to pray for each person in that group, especially those you perceive as “difficult personalities.” I often choose a particular scripture to pray for members of the group. It is also the leader’s job to foster prayer in the group, offering an extended time of prayer often while you all are together and reminding them to pray for each other when you are apart.

Grace-soaked conversations are key. No one really likes conflict, but having a grace-soaked conversation proactively can prevent a tragic misunderstanding in the end.  Determine to pray together and attempt to see the situation from God’s perspective instead of either yours or theirs.

Lastly, praise God for that difficult person, even when you want to pull your hair out! My friend, Jessie Seneca, says in her book, The Secret is Out, “The antonym for criticize is praise.  So when you feel like criticizing someone, break into praise over that person instead.” Imagine praying with that person and praising God for them!  What an opportunity to change both your lives!  So many times, those “difficult personalities” have become my very favorite people in the whole world! And so many times, I’ve learned that I am as difficult as I perceived them to be, yet God is always patient with me.

Gayla McKinney is as a simulcast specialist for LifeWay. She, her husband Blake, and their three children live in Missouri where Blake serves as the pastor of First Baptist Church Lee’s Summit. You can read more from Gayla at her Bible study blog and marriage blog!

My friend and our guest blogger for today is Shirley Moses . She has served in a variety of women’s leadership roles and I love this challenge she offers for leaders as we consider how we are discipling our women.

When we disciple other women we are to teaching them how to apply God’s word to everyday events, never missing a God-given opportunity!

In a funk, I called my friend to go for a mani-pedi. As we drove, we discussed Jesus’ awareness of the importance of tending feet. We were the only customers in the salon, surely a God thing. We climbed into the chairs, and my funk began to vanish.

As we chatted with John and Judy, the brother and sister who owned the salon, my heart became gradually lighter.

This verse came to my mind; 1 Peter 3:15, “but set apart the Messiah as Lord in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you.” (HCSB) This command is huge if we claim to be disciples of Christ. Many people seem to think our pastors, deacons, and Sunday school teachers should be the only ones to speak of faith in Jesus. Not so. We can’t go through life overlooking situations that allow us to share our faith

My focus turned toward John once again. We began to talk about the possibility of bringing my entire women’s Sunday school class to his salon for a fellowship.

This was the opening for me to introduce church and Jesus into my conversation with John.  I said, “John, do you and your sister go to church?” John said, “Sometimes we go to the Temple on special occasion.” I continued, “Who do you pray to, John?” “Buddha,” John replied, “we pray for peace and prosperity.” I smiled and agreed that we all want that in our lives. My mind was working, trying to figure out what my next words to John might be. Then I remembered 1 John 5:11,  ”And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son.” (HCSB) I looked into John’s eyes and said, “I don’t know much about Buddha, but would you tell me John, where will you go when you die?” We must not forget the rest of 1 Peter 3:16, “However, do this with gentleness and respect, keeping your conscience clear, so that when you are accused, those who denounce your Christian life will be put to shame.” (HCSB)

John looked up at me and I could tell he was searching for an answer. Finally he said, “I don’t know where we go.”  I smiled and said, “John, when I die I go to heaven and live forever.” John had finished his work and was leading me over to the station where I could sit while my nails dried. He brought my purse to me. I looked up and said, “May I pray for you and your sister?” John smiled, “Yes, please.” What a privilege to bring these two before my Father. I don’t recall all my prayer, but I do remember asking that they would come to know the Truth.

I looked up and saw another customer coming into the salon. I knew the conversation was about to end, but I will return to see my new friends and tell them more about Jesus. It is so easy sitting in the chair, letting someone pamper your feet, to care only about yourself.

Will you be on the lookout for your John or Judy?

A few suggestions for those of you who disciple women:

• Tell those you disciple about your God opportunities.
• Ask them to pray for times to share about Jesus.
• Be sensitive to the leading of the Spirit in your conversations.
• Keep in mind: some sow the seed and never get to see the harvest.

Shirley is a women’s ministry team advisor at Hagerman Baptist Church in Sherman, Texas, an author, speaker and a LifeWay Ministry Multiplier. Formerly she served as the women’s ministry consultant for the Southern Baptists of Texas Convention. She is one of the writers of the LifeWay publication: Transformed Lives: Taking Women’s Ministry to the Next Level and co-authored Heart Friends: Beginning and Maintaining A Small Accountability Group, published by LifeWay. She is the founder of Women’s Ministry Connection, a networking ministry that reaches the North Texas area. She has a passion for equipping women to be all that God wants them to be. This has led Shirley to start her personal ministry, Beyond the Call Ministries, and to travel across the country speaking for women’s conferences and retreats. Shirley has completed her Advanced Certificate of Women’s Ministry at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary.

I recently heard from a fairly new women’s ministry director who was planning an event for women.  Here is what she said:

We are planning on a retreat at our church in 2014. We probably would have around 100+ women attend I am guessing. I have to submit a budget in a week or so and realized I have no idea how much a conference speaker might be or how to go about this. I am thinking it will be more difficult getting someone to the northeast but would like to have a speaker come and then have some of our ladies do breakout sessions. Any thoughts on how to secure a speaker and cost would be much appreciated!

These are big questions, and they’re hard to answer because women’s speakers come in all size packages!  $0 to thousands of dollars. Start with your budget you have set aside. Then add to that the amount you plan to charge the attendees.  Divide that by 100 (or 85 to be on the safe side financially) to see how much you can afford for travel and honorarium for a speaker. Many speakers are negotiable so do not be afraid to tell them your budget if they give you an amount that is too big. You also need to give much thought and prayer to your purpose for the event so that when you talk to potential speakers you and they ask (and they should ask!!) you are able to tell them what want to accomplish (or rather what you believe God wants to accomplish).

The purpose is the first thing I want to know when I’m asked to consider speaking to a group of women. If it’s just because “we always do an event every year and it’s on this date,” I just don’t feel compelled to even consider it.  But if they give me a deeper purpose and if it connects to my purpose and calling, then I certainly want to ask God if He would allow me the honor.

The purpose will be important not only to your speaker but also your team as you plan. The purpose will keep you on task so that you don’t plan all sorts of aspects that will not help you accomplish your purpose.

As a leader, how would you respond to this question about women’s events?

Ladies, Father’s Day is just 9 days away, and we have a great gift idea we think the men in your life will really enjoy!

NFL quarterback Colt McCoy and Matt Carter (Austin Stone Community Church) teamed up to write The Real Win. In this book, McCoy and Carter wrestle deeply and personally with the challenge of biblical manhood, then deliver down-to-earth, biblical answers based on their personal experiences and a close study of Scripture.

“The real win means trusting the Lord and walking with Jesus no matter what,” write Matt and Colt. “That kind of faithfulness is possible for any man who follows God with all his heart. No matter what circumstances threaten him, a faithful man is the most truly confident man in the room.”

McCoy and Carter show men why so much depends on who you trust and who you serve, why every man is called to lead and why every man can, how to “man up” to temptations (and conquer them), and how to find the “win” even in the biggest failures.

Check out this quick video about the book (and make sure you watch through the end to see Carter catch a bird with one hand)!

If you’re needing some help with a Father’s Day gift idea, we’re here to help. We’re picking three different winners to each receive a copy of The Real Win. Enter to win by leaving a comment telling us why your dad (or even another man in your life) is so special and significant to you.

By entering today’s giveaway, you acknowledge LifeWay Christian Resource’s official promotion rules found here. Today’s giveaway starts at the posting time of this blog and ends next Thursday (6/11/13) at 11:59 p.m. CST. You must be 18 to enter, and you may only enter once. The winner will be selected at random. For questions about the rules and regulations of this giveaway, please contact Bud Harlan at One LifeWay Plaza, Nashville, TN 37234-140.