As we’re praying for relationships in the month of February, we thought we’d take a look at a book about relationships from a couple different perspectives. The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller might sound like a read just for those who’ve walked down the aisle. But as Tim says in the book, “its primary goal is to give both married and unmarried people a vision for what marriage is according to the Bible.”
The Single Girl’s Perspective
This isn’t a book that I would have picked up if a friend hadn’t recommended it to me. It can be hard to read books about marriage when you’re single and want to be married, but this book proved an exception to the rule. Tim Keller’s perspective on marriage in light of the Gospel is powerful and is applicable, whether you’re single, dating, or married.
“What, then, is marriage for? It is for helping each other to become our future glory-selves, the new creations that God will eventually make us… that is why putting a Christian friendship at the heart of a marriage relationship can lift it to a level that no other vision for marriage approaches.”
There’s nothing wrong with a desire to be married, but I’m at a stage of life where I don’t want to be married for the sake of being married. I want to be married for the sake of the Kingdom. The wisdom of those who have been married as well as Scripture both tell us that marriage is not about making us happy, but rather making us holy. My prayer is for God to bring not just a husband, but a godly man who will challenge me to become more like Christ as we grow together.
“For what Adam in the garden needed was not just a sexual partner, but a companion, bone of his bones, and flesh of his flesh. If singles accepted this principle, it would dramatically change the way people seek a marriage partner in our day. It is typical for a single person to walk into a room and see a number of people of the opposite sex and immediately begin to screen them, not for companionship but for attractiveness.”
In today’s Tinder dating culture, we’ve made looking for men who meet the qualifications on our list an art form. Often, we make a decision about them before we’ve even spoken a word. Friendship is crucial to healthy relationships, so don’t underestimate the men in your life who you may think of as just friends.
“Seek to serve one another rather than to be happy, and you will find a new and deeper happiness.”
This book aims straight at the heart and has impacted the way that I view relationships and marriage. It is well worth your time to read The Meaning of Marriage and I hope that it will challenge you as much as it has me.
The Married Girl’s Perspective
I first picked up this book when I was engaged. Tim Keller has such a gift for explaining big truth in a practical way. The things that resonated with me then resonate even more as I experience married life.
“… marriage, next to our relationship with God, is the most profound relationship there is. And that is why, like knowing God himself, coming to know your spouse is difficult and painful yet rewarding and wondrous.” It’s one of life’s greatest joys to know someone and be known, but that is not always easy. As an independent woman who got married in her 30s, it’s difficult for me to let my guard down and do the hard work of being vulnerable in relationship.
Since tying the knot, I’ve realized that being married is often like looking directly into a mirror that shows every unflattering angle. I can’t hide from my flaws. There’s nowhere to go. But, if you let it be, marriage is the most refining relationship you can experience. Tim says, “Marriage brings out the worst in you. It doesn’t create your weaknesses (though you may blame your spouse for your blow-ups)—it reveals them. This is not a bad thing, though. How can you change into your ‘glory-self’ if you assume that you’re already pretty close to perfect as it is?”
No one will know you like your spouse. In the best and worst ways. But as Tim points you, “You want to help your spouse become the best person God wants him or her to be.” So as hard as it may be sometimes to own the negative things about yourself or gently point out the things you see that your spouse needs to work on, it’s part of your job as a husband or wife. Refinement is never easy, but I want to be better. And I’m counting on my husband to help me grow as a person and as a Christian.
Marriage is the best picture we have to show us why Jesus came and what He did for us. It’s the most tangible way we can understand our relationship with Christ because it’s all about self-sacrificing and laying down our wants, desires, and freedoms to joyfully serve someone else. Again, not an easy lesson for this independent woman, but a valuable one I want to continue to learn.
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Have you read The Meaning of Marriage? What did you think? We’d love to hear from you in the comments!
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When Mary Margaret isn’t coordinating leadership events for women or hosting the {MARKED} podcast, you can find her watching Florida Gator football, cooking with friends, or reading a good book. She loves teaching God’s Word, Mexican food, a good pair of jeans, and calling Nashville home. Follow her on Twitter: @marymargaretc.
