When I was in elementary school, report card day didn’t scare me. Unlike some kids, I couldn’t wait to see how I’d done. But every time, every single time, the “Talks Too Much” box was checked on my report card. My mom always pointed this out to me and encouraged me to keep quiet in class, but clearly nothing changed.
I still talk a lot. It’s easy for me to share my thoughts and opinions with others. I love nothing more than laughing with friends over good stories. And I pride myself on being a direct woman who tells it like it is.
But like any strength, my gift of gab can also be a weakness. It’s great for me to be direct, but not at the expense of someone else’s feelings. It’s fine for me to have an opinion, but I don’t always have to share it. It’s awesome that I can voice how I feel about something without fear, but it’s not awesome if others find me abrasive or argumentative.
In an effort to be more intentional with my words, I gave up negative speech for Lent a few years ago. During this season, God kept bringing a specific situation to my mind and pushing me about it. Y’all, He just would not let it go.
Fourteen years before my little Lent commitment during my freshman year of college, I said some really hurtful, untrue things about one of my friends. The things I said were a false judgement of her character. Of course this got back to her, and it affected our relationship. I said I was sorry at the time, and she didn’t hold a grudge. We were able to remain friendly, but I had destroyed our trust.
So here I was 14 year later, unable to stop thinking about this. Even though I hadn’t talked to her in years and I really didn’t want to bring it up again and I had no idea if she would respond, I sent her a Facebook message and apologized. This time sincerely. This time clearly outlining what I had said and done. This time asking if I could right the wrong. It was scary and risky, but I had to do it.
The best thing ever happened. She wrote me back. She thanked me for my apology and she forgave me completely. But you know what else? She was honest about how what I had said had negatively affected her life. She explained the repercussions of that event for her. And while I hated to hear that I had negatively impacted her with my words, that is the part of her response I am most thankful for.
God taught me so much through that situation. It really made me realize that the things I say—my little words that I use so flippantly each day—can inflict a lot on others.
It’s been said that we use 20,000 words a day. Eek! That’s a lot of room for error. We must use those words intentionally because they shape all of our relationships, including our relationship with God. I want to communicate in a more God-honoring, friend-honoring way. Don’t you? We can practice by:
- talking less and listening more
- studying the way Jesus communicated in order to mimic it
- meditating on Scripture so our words come from a place of truth
I want to be more generous with kind words. Less critical. More thoughtful before I speak. I want to remember James 1:19-21 and be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. It’s not easy for one who still talks too much. I continue to learn these lessons every day. Sometimes the hard way.
If your words also tend to get away from you, check out Conversation Peace, a Bible study about the power of transforming our speech.
