My husband, Greg, and I struggled through our first two years of marriage. We were living on a small seminary campus—my husband the son of marriage “guru,” Gary Smalley—and there we were in the midst of a “war” behind our old apartment door.
One particular Saturday morning, I was heading out to work as a labor and delivery nurse and Greg was going to be home all day watching football and I asked him to do the laundry. After exchanging several harsh words, I set the boundary—“Greg, let’s just stop! I’m going to go to work—and let’s work this out when I get home in 13 hours!” So, I proceeded to gather my stuff for work, headed over to the door, took one step out, and thought it was the perfect opportunity to pop my head back into the door and make one more smart comment, and off I went. As the baby of my family, I liked the last word!
Not more than 10 minutes later, after I had visited with a friend on my way down the four flights of stairs, I was reminded why taking advantage of the last word doesn’t always work in my favor. As I passed by the laundry room, which happened to be directly underneath our 4th floor apartment, I heard some rumbling from above. And before I knew it, the very familiar large mesh bag we used for laundry was being catapulted down toward me. Greg figured if I could get the last verbal word, he would get even—by nonchalantly “accidentally” dropping the bag of laundry very close to me. Now whatever your perspective might be—Greg’s aim was really on or really off—because the laundry bag grazed me just enough to knock me off balance and land me on my back looking directly up at Greg. After a quick ninja-like flip, I tore off up the stairs to bring an end to this craziness!
How we survived those early years, I am not quite sure. We now have good stories to tell—and yes that really did happen! And we always did manage to work through it and land at a reasonable place.
Back then, it was just the two of us and life was crazy. However, now add in four children and a marriage ministry birthed out of the difficulty we faced those early years and there’s a new level of crazy in our world. We’ve learned a lot and we have embraced the importance of not only having a healthy marriage, but the overall significance the institution of marriage plays in our church, community, and even our country.
The truth is, Scripture is very clear in Hebrews 13:4 that “Marriage should be honored by all.” I have to confess that Greg and I did a lousy job truly “honoring marriage” in those early years. However, we have since learned the importance of not only honoring our own marriage, but teaching others to honor marriage as well. Because the verse says “Marriage should be honored by ALL”, we have embraced the importance of our children, their friends, singles, married couples, and the community at large learning about how they can honor marriage too!
So, we are super excited about an amazing event that Focus on the Family is offering for churches. Did you know that Valentine’s Day, 2016 falls on a Sunday? Focus on the Family has put together an event kit with everything your church needs for a full day—involving everyone within their congregation—celebrating and learning more about honoring marriage. We encourage you to tell your pastor to learn more at www.honoringmarriage2016.com.
Greg and Erin Smalley met in college, where Greg instantly knew he wanted to marry Erin . . . but where it took her nearly four years to fall crazy in love with him. They then said their vows, had three biological children, and adopted a fourth from China. After resolving some key relationship struggles early on, Greg and Erin knew they wanted to help other couples learn how to live out the romance and adventure of marriage. To that end, they’ve written several marriage books and hosted marriage conferences both in the US and internationally. Their favorite activities include watching movies at home and hiking in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. Recently celebrating their twenty-fourth anniversary, they say that marriage gets better every year. Greg, who earned a doctorate in psychology, is the vice president of marriage and family formation at Focus on the Family. Erin, who holds a master’s degree in clinical psychology, works alongside him.
