Mother’s Day When You’re Not a Mom

If you’ve ever experienced infertility, you know what it’s like to sit in church and bless moms while you are dying inside. Year after year, I faced Mother’s Day that way. It was not hard to celebrate my own mom that day, but there was still a big hole in my own heart as I so desperately wanted to have children.

Perhaps you have had a similar experience or have lost a child tragically and can identify with the pain that can be so prevalent on this special day of celebration. Due to my own experience, I always think of this and have concern for women who want to be moms.

I grew up wanting to be a mom and played dolls into my teens! After years of doctors, prayers ,and even a bit of jealousy as my friends were getting pregnant, God spoke to my heart. It was this experience that truly drew me back to Him in a recommitment of my life. I realized for the first time that I was not the one who was to be in control of my life. He was! He led me to literally write my burden on a piece of paper and tear it up, leaving it on the altar of my church. When I stood up that night, I was a different person.

I began to pray, “God if you do not desire that we have a baby, then you must have a different plan for our lives. Show us what that is and help us to walk in obedience. But if you leave this desire in my heart to be a mom, then I will continue to pray for that child that will one day be ours. Take this desire away if this is not your plan.”

It was Mother’s Day in 1977 that our adoption case worker saw us at church and said she’d been trying to call us since the Friday before. My heart stopped beating for a minute and, though she couldn’t tell us anything in particular, she said she needed to come see us the next afternoon. It was the greatest Mother’s Day of all for me on Monday as we found out we would not only get a baby, we would get twins!  Who would’ve ever believed it? God had a plan all along for us, knowing not only would these precious babies need us, but that we too needed them!

Chris, her husband Pat, and twin daughters Alycia and Amanda in 1977 soon after they were adopted.
Chris, her husband Pat, and twin daughters Alycia and Amanda in 1977 soon after they were adopted

God did make us parents, but that’s not always the case. Even if women become moms, sometimes they lost children along the way. As you celebrate this day, please be sensitive to those women in your church and community who cry each time they see a Mother’s Day card or flowers. Pray for those women and be willing to reach out to them in love and a warm hug so they know they have not gone unnoticed as you celebrate all the other moms.


Women Reaching Women in Crisis (online and print resources)


  1. says

    Thank you for sharing this and for recognizing how difficult this day is for so many women. I celebrate Mother’s Day with two children on Earth and three in Heaven, and there is always a bittersweetness to it, as I hug the ones God is allowing me to raise and wonder what their siblings would have been like.

  2. Beth Young says

    I never had kids. I was bitter at first and then I realized that God’s plan for one person is not the same for another. I know that He has a plan for me and that He knows what is best for my life. Thank you for sharing this and letting people know that giving your burdens to God is the only way.

  3. Jewell Lukat says

    Thank you for sharing. I am unable to have children. We tried to adopt and to be Foster to adopt parents. Everything fell through and we are still childless. One thing my church does for Mother’s day is realize that even if you are not a mother, you are in the mother role. There are children at our church that come without parents and even though it is only for a little while we have a huge part in raising these children. My church also recognizes that if you are an Aunt or an older cousin you play a big part in children’s lives and are in the mother role many times and that is so true. So while I know that being a mom is not in the plans, I do play a big part in the lives of many children. I do still have my moments that I mourn the ones I never had and the one I was never able to adopt, but there are many children in my life. I am blessed for that.

  4. says

    Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have truly
    enjoyed browsing your blog posts. In any case I will be
    subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you write again very

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *