29 weeks pregnant

I have a confession to make. I am scared about becoming a mom.

Yes, I just admitted that to the World Wide Web. Some of my fears are actually very real. Others, I confess, are some of the most irrational things that could possibly come to mind. Yet, as I am walking through this journey of my first pregnancy, the unknowns of the life-change, not to mention the reality of the life I am carrying, bring me anxiety.

I don’t think I am alone, though. Pregnancies are each very different. Some are met with no complications while others bring about hardship and pain. Though the situations are completely different, I think moms all share some of the same anxieties. As women, we want to be good moms. As Christian women, we want to raise our children to love the Lord above all else. For me, this is one of my biggest prayer requests – that my daughter will grow to be a servant of God.

Here are a few things I can rest on when I become anxious:

1. God gave me this precious child. I can always cry out to Him when I am overwhelmed and exhausted and when I’m full of joy and happiness.
2. Every mom, at one time, was a first-time mom. And they survived! 
3. It’s okay to ask for help. I’ve got a support system that is beyond willing to pray with me, listen to me, and walk with me.
4. Salvation rests in God alone. My job is not to save my daughter as she grows up. I am here to plant seeds and foster her spiritual growth. God will take care of the rest. 

So, on nights when I can’t sleep (which seem to be happening more often!), I will spend that time just talking to God … and to my little one. On days when I feel overwhelmed, I will pause and know He is in control. While I think some anxiety is normal, I will not let it rob me of the joy these last 10 weeks or so of pregnancy will bring!

 Becky Suggs and her husband, Robert, live in the mountains of Glorieta, New Mexico, with their pug, Sadie. They are expecting their first child in April. In her spare time, you can find Becky reading, enjoying the great outdoors, filling in squares to the latest crossword puzzle, and spending time with family. She has a passion for both kids and camping ministries.

Famed author Karen Kingsbury wrote the article on choosing adoption for our March 2012 issue. Here, get to know Karen and her family a little better.

Meet Karen’s Family

Karen Kingsbury has been married to Don for 23 years. Don has been a teacher and coached basketball and football for almost 25 years. Karen and Don’s love of art and sports is reflected in their three biological children and three sons adopted from Haiti.
 

• Kelsey (22), the Kingsburys’ only daughter, is a marketing major and actress with roles in several Christian films.
• Tyler (19) is studying Christian music and hopes to become a professional singer. 
• Sean (17), one of Karen’s adopted sons, is a high-school junior; he plays football and basketball.
• Joshua (17), another adopted son, is also a junior and plays soccer and football. “In the summer of 2010,” his proud mother says, “his Amateur Athletic Union club soccer team finished third in the nation.”
• EJ ― Emmanuel Jean (pronounced ‘John’) ― is 15. He’s Karen’s third adopted son. He’s a sophomore and plays football, basketball, and soccer.
• Austin (14) likes football, but he’s crazy about basketball. “He’s real tall ― he’s 6’3”; he’s well past his dad’s height.”

Whatever the event, the Kingsbury family is their own fan club. “Whether we’re off to a concert that someone’s singing in or going to a game,” Karen says, “the whole family goes and we all enjoy both.”
 

Blending Family & Career

Life as a wife, mother, and writer is a matter of organization for Karen. “For me, when it’s a writing day, I try to clear the schedule and write from about 9:00 to 3:00, when the kids are in school. Sometimes, it might spill over into 4:00 or 5:00. I don’t write every day. The marketing and other aspects of my career as a writer happen when the kids are at school.

“I try to have my evenings open for the family. I try to be team mom and have supper,” she laughs. “Not every time is it a fancy meal, by any stretch of the imagination.”

As a teacher, Don’s schedule is similar to the children’s. Karen and Don find time for each other by focusing on daily moments. “We’ve always had a great relationship. We don’t have a lot of dates going out; we make memories and have fun and find our romance at home. Part of being successful in our family and in our marriage is that neither of us feel like we have to get out. Some couples need a weekly date night; we don’t. For us, we might play a board game with the kids or we might take a walk through the neighborhood. We find our moments in the ‘everydayness’ rather than making big trips or date nights.”

“We really have a wonderful marriage and I credit a lot of my ability to have this kind of schedule and work to Don. He prays for us all the time. He’s the kind of guy that we can have fun making dinner together."

You can learn more about Karen Kingsbury and her books at her website or Facebook page.

20 weeks pregnant

One thing I was told before I became pregnant was that everyone seems to have something to say to an expectant mother, whether you want to hear it or not. I haven’t experienced this too much just yet, but from early on, I decided to only have a few people to go to for pregnancy advice – my mom, my sister and my doctor. Luckily, I have a mom who raised three girls and an older sister who has three great boys. I also have a doctor I trust; I’m not afraid to ask him even my most embarrassing questions.

Even though I have these “go-to” people in my life, I thought it would be fun to ask moms of all ages in my life to give me their best words of wisdom for a first-time mom. Here are some of their replies:

• It’s great to read parenting books, but don’t let those books take away from the most important Book – the Bible.  It has all the answers, and it’s authored by the One who created the life on loan to you!

• Write things down! Take pictures! You think you’ll remember everything, but you don’t!

• Keep in mind God gave you the ability to care for your child in the best way you know how. Trust your gut, and don’t doubt your ability to do what is best.

• Enjoy each moment and milestone, because they will quickly pass that one and go to the next.

• Don’t sweat the small stuff.

• You won’t have all the answers, but you have earned the right to attempt life’s journey together because you bonded for nine months.

• Even when you feel unworthy, undeserving and incapable of directing your child, remember He is there guiding you.

What about you? What one word of wisdom would you pass on to a new mom-to-be?

Becky Suggs and her husband, Robert, live in the mountains of Glorieta, New Mexico, with their pug, Sadie. They are expecting their first child in April. In her spare time, you can find Becky reading, enjoying the great outdoors, filling in squares to the latest crossword puzzle, and spending time with family. She has a passion for both kids and camping ministries.

Read Becky’s other journal entries: Ask and You Shall Receive, Consider It Joy, Overwhelmed, and Pregnancy Perks.

In our February issue, Chris Gonzalez writes about "The Wicked Stepmother: Three Ridiculous Myths" (pp. 30-31). Here, Chris expounds on what to do to beat those myths.

Become a contagious and irresistibly good stepmother in these ways.

1. Understand that your relationship with your stepchildren is born of the loss, either by death or divorce, or their mother. You are a reality in their lives because someone else that really matters to the children is gone or has dramatically changed.
2. Create realistic expectations for yourself as the stepmother. Be the loving and compassionate image of God you were created to be. Replacing the biological mother and fulfilling the stepchild’s every need is not likely to bring immediate success, if any success at all.
3. Be consistent, patient, and trustworthy over time. This will earn you more points with the new stepchildren than any grand plans for being everything to them.
4. Do not force, buy, or bribe your way into your stepchild’s life.

Create a new “normal” in your blended home.

• Acknowledge that the stepchildren have experienced loss.
• Be a learner of your new stepchildren.
• Be a learner and student of your new role as stepmother.
• Make your marriage a great marriage.
• Cooperate with the biological mother and avoid power struggles with her.
• Slowly create new family traditions.
• Read books on stepfamilies. I recommend Ron Deal’s book, The Smart Stepfamily. (Deal also wrote The Smart Stepmom, The Smart Stepdad, and The Remarriage Checkup: Tools to Help Your Marriage Last a Lifetime.)

Liberate yourself and recognize your success as a stepmother.

Your new husband loves you, but that love does not necessarily create any sense of obligation within his children to do the same. In fact, they may decide to hate you as a tactic to get their biological parents back together. Again, it is not necessarily you they hate, but the role you occupy. No child is born with the glorious dreams of having a stepmother. However, when reality crashes down the walls of the ideal, children often resist reality and fantasize about their idealized past.

Your sense of self and capacity for love will be challenged. In all likelihood, your investment of love for your new stepchildren will far outweigh the returns, at first. Most stepchildren grow to love their stepmothers in some way. The goal is not to replace the biological mother but rather to develop a loving relationship with clear and defined boundaries wherein all the parties know and agree to the expectations for each other. Respect for each other and allowing space for stepchildren to be stepchildren is the name of the stepmothering game.

Chris Gonzalez is a marriage and family therapist with the Better Life Counseling Center in Jonesboro, Arkansas. He writes a feature column for the Jonesboro Sun and gives seminars on the topics of marriage, family, and faith. Chris and his wife Gail have two children, Sierra and Canaan.

16 weeks pregnant

I had no idea what to expect when I became pregnant. I have lots of friends and family who have had babies, but I can honestly say every day is a learning experience for me. There’s really no way to describe all of the changes going on inside and outside! 

Lately, I’ve been trying to find the positives in every situation that comes my way. With pregnancy, the obvious positive is the little one growing inside! But there are also some not so fun things with this miracle – ever-changing waistlines, unsettling foods, sleeplessness, and emotional ups and downs. My husband and I are determined to find positives when these negatives seem to weigh heavily on my mind. The other day, we found something that has brought us great laughter …

Expectant mother parking! How genius is this idea? I can admit we have only found three places in a 100-mile radius with this luxury, but it’s become a running joke between us each time we pull in a parking lot. (For the life of him, he can’t figure out why there aren’t these spots in stores like Home Depot or Lowe’s!) 

I’ve had some sort of job for the better part of 15 years now. I’ve never been fortunate to work for a company with employee-of-the-month parking, but it’s like I’m the employee of the month for nine whole months! In all seriousness, this is such a nice gesture towards those who are pregnant. Even if it just saves a few steps, thoughtful things like this can make my day a little brighter!

As I’ve thought a lot about this, I am reminded this is a great way to pray for expectant mothers. Next time you’re shopping and see one of these spaces occupied, pray for that mom to be. I’m sure she could use a little extra prayer in her day!

Note from Jessie: Trust me, Becky, these parking spots will be MUCH more precious when you’re, say, 36 weeks pregnant! Hehe. I am an even bigger fan of the "parents with small children" spots.

Becky Suggs and her husband, Robert, live in the mountains of Glorieta, New Mexico, with their pug, Sadie. They are expecting their first child in April. In her spare time, you can find Becky reading, enjoying the great outdoors, filling in squares to the latest crossword puzzle, and spending time with family. She has a passion for both kids and camping ministries.

Life could not get any better than this! That was my view on life about three years ago. I had a beautiful 5-month-old baby girl named Grace. She was the light of our lives. My husband and I had a precious little starter home that felt so cozy to us. We were working hard to be debt free, and I had found myself fortunate enough to be able to stay at home full time. Life could not have been any sweeter.

Double the Love
Things began to change when sickness came over me one morning. I figured I must have gotten a stomach bug, but I soon realized that sick feeling felt a lot like morning sickness. Being a new mom, the feeling was fresh on my mind. Surely I could not be pregnant, I thought. How can you get pregnant when your baby is still a newborn?

A few days later, I made my way to the store and purchased a pregnancy test. Sure enough, it was positive! What a shock!! We were planners, and this was not planned. What would my husband say? What would my friends say? My mind was buzzing with questions.

Later that evening, I told my husband the news. I was surprised to hear him say, “The more the merrier.” Mark was excited, but he was not the one who would have to stay home all day and manage life with two babies. My emotions were all over the place. I knew there was no way I was prepared to do it again.

One day I was doing laundry and watching Grace playing, and I thought to myself, if I love Grace this much, how great would it be to have doubled that love in this house? I knew then what my husband had known for awhile. Our house would be more exciting with double the amount of love.

Heartbreak & Anger
Later that same day, I made my way to my doctor’s office because I had begun to experience bleeding. It was confirmed the next day that I had in fact lost the baby. Complete and utter heartache overtook our home. My husband and parents cried and mourned the loss of the baby. I, too, cried but was more angry than sad. I had never been angry at God. But I was angry now. How could God give me this surprise baby, help me adjust to the idea of having two babies to care for, and then take the baby away from me? My mind just could not wrap around all these emotions.

A few days passed, and I could feel myself growing more and more upset. My friends took me out to lunch and tried to comfort me with encouraging words, but I felt as if I was in a fog.

The Miracle
One night as I lay in bed, I cried out to God and prayed, Ok, God … Your Word says you want us to bring everything to You in prayer. I am hurt that I have lost this baby. My deepest desire is for You to give me back the baby I have lost. I do not want a new baby or a different pregnancy. I want the baby I have lost.

With those words, I ended my prayer and fell asleep.

The next morning I was due for a check-up with my doctor. He wanted to make sure my body was taking care of the miscarriage. As I lay on the crinkly paper, my ears were filled with the swooshing sound of a heartbeat. As the ultrasound technician turned the screen toward my face, I found myself staring at a baby with a strong heartbeat. The doctor was called in immediately, and it was confirmed that the baby I had “lost” days earlier was actually still there and alive!

The next few days were filled with tears of joy, exciting phone calls, and prayers of thanksgiving. God had chosen to work a miracle. We will never know all the reasons why God does what He does, But I do know that God used this experience to teach me several things. I am always to bring my worries and cares to Him.
 

• God knew I was hurting at the loss of a baby, and He desired for me to share that with Him. He is a God who desires to have a relationship with me.
• I also learned that my children are God-breathed. Getting to be their mom is a privilege and honor ordained by God.
• Daily, I pray that God will remind me that I should love them with the love He has given me. My love for my children does not come from me, because that would be a love that comes from selfish and failing ways. By loving God first in all I do, I am able to love my children with God’s love and grace.

This type of love is perfect and pleasing to our Heavenly Father.

Praise be to the Lord of miracles!

Thank you, Katie, for this beautiful testimony.

Photo used with permission of Flickr Creative Commons. Click on photo for source. 

We are so excited to introduce Becky Suggs, who will be journaling her pregnancy here at ParentLife Online! I am thrilled to follow her journey to baby. Becky is currently 16 weeks pregnant with her first child, and she’s going to chronicle the ups and downs, joys and fears, and reality of expecting.

My husband and I were overjoyed when we found out we were pregnant with our first child. Having no idea what to do next, I turned to everything on the Internet I could find. Not the wisest thing I’ve ever done, but since we were keeping it a secret for a while, it was really the only source I knew to turn to.

After lots of surfing and reading, I realized the only thing reassuring me I was pregnant were the two lines on multiple pregnancy tests (I had to be sure, of course!) and a doctor’s visit that consisted of a nurse coming in and saying, “Congratulations, you’re pregnant.” No emotional highs or lows. No sickness. No moodiness. Nothing was different. I remember telling my husband one evening, “I really don’t feel pregnant. I mean, I wish I would get sick or something just to have something to ‘reassure’ me.” Oh, be careful what you wish for.

My sweet growing baby first helped me understand I was pregnant on a four-hour whale-watching trip in San Diego. While everyone oohed and aahed over the majestic whales in the ocean, I became good friends with the side of the boat.

This precious new life inside of me didn’t stop there. Multiple times a day, he (or she) reminded me things were progressing on the right track. Tears and questions of “why me” plagued me as I spent much of my time hovered over the toilet. When I felt at my very bottom, I remember crying out, “God, please make it stop.” I was quickly reminded, “This too shall pass. I am growing new life inside of you.”

Ask, My dear child, and you shall receive!

Becky Suggs and her husband, Robert, live in the mountains of Glorieta, New Mexico, with their pug, Sadie. They are expecting their first child in April. In her spare time, you can find Becky reading, enjoying the great outdoors, filling in squares to the latest crossword puzzle, and spending time with family. She has a passion for both kids and camping ministries.