Ahh, Summertime!

Summer fun

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I have loved summer since I was a kid. Back then, summer was for playing outside, attending special church camps and events, vacationing, working in our garden, staying up late, laboring on our farm, and playing baseball.

My kids don’t have quite the same agenda, but there is still lots of playing, staying up late, church events, vacation, and baseball.

Pick up our July issue of ParentLife this Sunday and see all the great content about summer for families.

  • Moving or preparing a child to enter school for the first time? Check out Kristen White’s “Smooth Moves” (pp. 36-37).
  • Planning to spend lots of time outdoors? Then don’t forget these summer safety tips in “Super Summer Outdoor Safety” (pp. 24-25).
  • Looking for great summer activities? Dig in to “Create and Play” (pp. 30-31) and “Fast, Fun, and Free!” (pp. 32-33) for some great summer fun ideas.
  • Wanting a new twist on celebrating Independence Day? See “A Celebration of Heritage” (pp. 42-43) and find ways to celebrate Independence Day and explore history with your kids.
  • Make studying the Bible fun this summer. Check out “The Rizers” (pp. 20-23) to find out how they make Scripture memorization rock for kids (and adults — their catchy tunes will have you jamming to Scripture when you least expect it).

We offer lots of activities to help fill your schedule but let me recommend something often overlooked to supplement your summer fun: nothing. A day full of planned activities doesn’t give kids the opportunity to be bored and use their imaginations. Take some time to do nothing together. In fact, mark it on your schedule so you’re sure to keep your appointment with your kids for a day filled with kid-directed play.
Let us know what fun you are planning this summer!

Photo Source: vastateparksstaff

 

Ten Tips for New Dads by Dr. Mary Seger

Dr. Mary B. Seger is a nurse practitioner, mom, grandmother, and teacher in Michigan. She has recently released the book The Parent Guidebook, an "owner’s manual" on raising children from infancy to adulthood based on her experience as a mother and a nurse practitioner.

Here’s a sample of what can be found in the guidebook: Dr. Seger’s tips for new dads.

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Nothing I’ve ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children. - Bill Cosby

Papa Luca

Trying to understand your wife, who has now become a mother, can be extremely frustrating at times. Being moved down on your wife’s list of importance can be devastating. Let me give you some tips on how to move into this new life of parenthood.

 

  1. Tell her she is a good mom and doing a great job. Most women are terrified of doing the wrong thing as a parent. We all want to be good moms and secretly fear being bad moms. When you point out what a good job she did in a particular instance, it will touch her heart in ways you cannot imagine. It will help increase her confidence in doing what she is doing and help her believe someone has her back in the crazy world of parenthood.
  2. Find food. You need to eat, preferably healthy food. She is exhausted from lack of sleep, hormonal swings, and at times, fears doing the wrong thing with this precious baby. Bringing home food, cooking it, serving it, and cleaning up afterwards will cause her heart to fill with love for you. Don’t ask her where she wants it from or what she wants. Figure it out and go get food.
  3. Change diapers, empty the dishwasher, and clean the toilet without being asked.
  4. Text her. I love you. Everything is going to be fine, we can do this. You’re a great mom! How can I help? “How can I help” is a great text because you are giving her time to think about it.
  5. Watch the baby while mom goes to the grocery store. Tell her to take her time, that you’ll be fine. She may even stop at the bookstore or TJ Maxx on the way home. This is when you get to bond with your baby. Many times when the mom is present, complete bonding with dad does not take place. You need the one-on-one to get the greatest effect.
  6. Encourage your wife to seek the company of other moms, with or without the baby. She may need time to go out with her girlfriends to just be. A mom’s group can be helpful, as well as both of you spending time with other couples. This helps by getting her to spend time around more moms. You can make this happen by offering to take the baby or setting up couples’ night out.
  7. Offer love, protection and support with no agenda. There is a statue I see periodically, that warms my heart: It is Joseph, holding Mary, who is holding baby Jesus. It provides a beautiful picture of love, protection and support. It is what women crave; a time to let her guard down, breathe, and know someone she trusts has her back. At the end of the day, many women are on empty, with nothing left to give. When you approach her to give her a hug with an agenda for evening activity, she may close down and push you away. Try giving her a hug, let her melt into you and rest. That is all. In time, as you do this, good things will come.
  8. Date night. This is imperative for maintaining your marriage. Remember when you were dating and courting her? You need to do this again. It is not unusual for a couple with children to put their marriage on the back burner. Years later, as the kids grow up, you begin to wonder who is this person sleeping in my bed?
  9. Parenting as a team is essential. As you spend time together, you and your wife will develop a team approach, which is imperative to raising children. Two components of teamwork include defining the goal – what values do you want to impart to your children? – and getting things done in less time. Life is much better in a loving, supportive, respectful relationship. As the years pass by, in time, you will be sitting on the porch, watching your grandchildren. As your children become frustrated with something their child does, you will laugh and say, you used to do that. Life is good.
  10. Stop and give thanks, every day, for the miracle that has come into your life.

 

Photo used with permission of Flickr Creative Commons. Click on photo for source.

Trends & Truth Online: Exclusive Interview with Axel Alonso, Editor-in-Chief of Marvel Comics

 Trends & Truth Online is a monthly column by Mike Nappa.

 

Marvel_New_Editor.jpgAxel Alonso began his career as a journalist and magazine writer before joining the comics industry in 1994. Since 2000, he’s shaped the stories of classic heroes like Spider-Man, the X-Men, and many more. Today, Axel is Editor in Chief at Marvel Comics.

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T&TO: In your own words, what is Marvel Comics

AA: Marvel tells stories about human perseverance―about super-powered individuals who rise to impossible challenges. Our readers aren’t rooting for the powers or the costume – they’re rooting for the person inside the tights. With Spider-Man, they’re rooting for the kid from Queens who, when he’s not saving the world, has to scrape to make rent; with Captain America, they’re rooting for the 98-pound weakling who, through the miracle of science, was granted muscles that finally match the size of his heart.

T&TO: Marvel superheroes and stories wield a significant influence on American culture. How does Marvel Comics handle that?

AA: With over 70 years of stories in the bank and counting, Marvel Comics is modern mythology―and we’re well aware of the responsibility that comes with it. We take such great pains to portray our characters as the heroes they should be. Our protagonists are models for life: people who rise above their personal baggage and insecurities to face great challenges and do great things.

T&TO: Marvel Comics are loved by all ages, but we still associate superhero stories with children. Why do kids need superheroes?

AA: Kids need heroes. While parents should be role models for life, superheroes remind a child of the moral compass necessary to navigate a universe fraught with thrills and danger.

T&TO: Why is Marvel interested in reaching kids today, when more adult-oriented products seem to make more money?

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AA: I discovered comic books as a young boy. They taught me to read and helped shape my moral code―they are a part of my DNA. As Editor in Chief of Marvel Comics, I understand the importance of cultivating young readers that will have a similar experience; as the father of an 8-year-old boy who’s a big fan of Spider-Man and Deadpool, I’m thrilled to see my son have a similar experience.

T&TO: Some parents worry that Marvel Comics are too violent, political, sexualized, and so on. What would you like to say to those parents?

AA: Not all comics are intended for kids, which is why we label our comics for their intended audience. That said, most of our content is PG-rated material aimed at a multiplex audience.

T&TO: What would you say is most important in life, and how is that reflected in your work?

AA: Love―finding it, earning it, giving it, sacrificing for it. It’s why superheroes throw themselves headlong at impossible threats. Because their hearts overflow with it.

 

Have a pop culture question for Trends & Truths? Email it to parentlife@lifeway.com!

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Mike Nappa is a bestselling author, a noted commentator on pop culture, and founder of the website for parents, FamilyFans.com

 

Peace in the Midst of Parenting

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Do you ever just need a break? Boy, I sure do, and I can tell I have passed it down to my kids. Christopher, always inquisitive, commonly asks, “How long until Spring Break? How long until Easter? How long until the end of the school year?” He wants to get those breaks all straight in his head! I must admit, he learned all of that from me!

Breaks are so nice. They reorient our thinking, helping us get a fresh start and perspective. Christians can find real rest in God, no matter where we are, even with the world around us descending into chaos. If you work in the business world, you know there is turnover and change. If you think of time with your kids, you know that chaos can break out any minute (usually right after you clean up or get to sleep)!

As parents, we all need time to rest in God. He helps us gain perspective on what is truly important in life. Being centered in Him helps us be better parents.

So next time Jonathan tells me, “Dad, I have a test today and forgot to study” or Christopher says, “Dad, I forgot that this is wear-my-favorite-shirt day, and my favorite shirt is dirty” I will try to remember to rest in God.

The challenge is to find that peace in the midst of chaos. That’s why God’s supernatural strength and peace is a must for Christians to depend upon. I think of the passage: “Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. … you will find rest for yourselves” (Matthew 11:28-29). What helps you put life in perspective? Let us hear from you!

Parenting by grace,

William Summey

Post-Diagnosis by Michael Kelley

We hope you read the excellent article by Michael Kelley in our March issue. In his new book Wednesdays Were Pretty Normal, Kelley talks about the questions of faith that followed his 2-year-old son’s diagnosis with leukemia.

Here is an excerpt from the first chapter, immediately after Joshua receives his diagnosis.

In a span of moments that seemed like months, we had become “those people.” You know those people— the ones with the sick kid. The ones with the terminal disease. The ones with “issues.” The ones you don’t get too close to, not because you don’t care but because you don’t want to think about what life would be like if that happened to you. You know, those people.

The worst part is that we were not those people—we were the people who were supposed to “be there” for those people. I went to seminary for crying out loud! I was a professional Christian! We were a family of faith who believed in Jesus and His way of life, and as such we prepared ourselves to counsel those people. We filled our spiritual tool bag with Bible verses and theological sayings. We practiced good eye contact and carried tissues in our pockets to give to someone else. In all of our preparation to be with those people, we never prepared to be those people ourselves.

But I guess nobody ever really does. Nobody is ever prepared for the weight of the words, for the suddenness of this diagnosis. And maybe that’s why nobody really knows the right way to act when you become those people. But when you become those people, some things have to be done. Like, for example, making the phone calls.

Talk about being unequipped. I did not have the skill set to talk to the grandparents. The aunts and uncles. The friends. I didn’t have the emotional equipment. Heck, I didn’t even have the informational equipment. I certainly didn’t have the spiritual equipment, but the calls had to be made, and made they were. At great length I was able to articulate the diagnosis to both sets of our parents. The effort of squeezing those thousand-pound words out of my mouth made me gag several times, but after a long time in the courtyard of the hospital, I walked back inside to join my wife.

 

Beginning

I found her eating pizza. Can you believe it? Freaking pizza! But here’s the thing—she had to eat pizza; when Joshua was diagnosed, Jana was two months pregnant with our second child. I don’t think either one of us realized how hungry we were until the sweet nectar of pork and cheese hit our lips, and we devoured what was in front of us. And then, in the middle of the feast, we started to laugh.

Truth be told, I’m not sure what it was that we laughed about, but something was funny and we laughed. And we laughed. Then we laughed more. I quoted a line from Steel Magnolias about laughter through tears; then we laughed at how ridiculous it was that I quoted Steel Magnolias. She made fun of me for my knowledge of chick flicks. I made fun of her for her inability to stop eating pizza.

The pizza helped a lot for some reason. Maybe it was a reminder that some things in life would still be stable and regular, like our need for food that’s bad for us. We would still sleep, still work, still live. And as we settled down a little bit and the initial shock of how life had just changed started to sink in, I had time to start processing some of those questions we were just beginning to have.

What does one do—one who believes in the gospel of Jesus Christ and gets paid for speaking and writing to others about how to do so better—what does someone like that do with news like this? At least in part, I think the right answer is to believe. Have faith. But what I began to realize is that up to that point in my life, faith had largely just been a noun.

Used by permission   Excerpt taken from Wednesdays Were Pretty Normal; A boy, cancer and God /Michael Kelley/c. 2012/B&H Publishing Group

 

michaelkelley.jpgMichael Kelley is a Bible study editor for LifeWay Christian Resources as well as a writer of several books and Bible studies. He is father to Joshua (5), Andi (3), and baby Christian and husband to Jana.

Go Deeper by Carey Casey

Carey Casey writes our regular "Dad’s Life" column in ParentLife. Today, he’s sharing a little extra about building a strong foundation in your home and your faith.

 

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Have you ever seen a skyscraper go up? It’s amazing to watch it reaching for the clouds, but I’m talking about what’s going on below ground — the foundation.

I happened to be at a building site when a skyscraper was just getting started. And I heard that you can tell how high the building is going to be by how deep they lay the foundation.

I believe that’s a useful illustration for fathers, because you have to go deep with your child. You are part of your child’s foundation. How high he goes in life depends partly on the stability and support that you provide, and it has to go deep.

That means your commitment to be a good father runs deep in your life, and it means you are willing to address tough issues with your child. You are not just sitting on the sidelines and letting Mom handle difficult situations by herself. And you aren’t assuming your child will get information he needs on his own, or that you always can trust him to stay out of trouble.

No, going deeper means having involved discussions about issues of faith or sex or drugs. It means staying aware of what they’re into and talking to your child about any danger signs you see. It means taking a stand and sometimes laying down consequences.

This also applies to fathers personally. If you want to go high in your achievements, making a difference for God’s Kingdom, then you have to lay a solid foundation. The old hymn says the church’s one foundation is Jesus Christ our Lord, and that’s also true for fathers.

You have to go deep with Christ; He has to be the cornerstone for everything you do. You can’t let your toys, gadgets, egos, or other worldly distractions overshadow or extinguish that spark that God has given you as a father.

If you go deep with Him and that foundation is in place, then you will have the discernment, patience, and poise necessary to love, coach, and model for your child. Going deep allows you to reach new heights as a championship father.

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Dad’s Life Columnist Carey Casey is Chief Executive Officer of the Kansas City-based National Center for Fathering and author of the book Championship Fathering: How to Win at Being a Dad (2009). 

Through his work across the country, Casey has earned a reputation as a dynamic communicator, especially on the topic of men being good fathers. He’s known as a compassionate ambassador, particularly within the American sports community.

 

Photo used with permission of Flickr Creative Commons. Click on photo for source. 

Transforming Mistakes Into Success

It was just a couple weeks ago when Christopher had a really bad day. He had an argument with Mom, lost his temper, and spent some time in his room calming down. All seemed well by dinnertime until Christopher dropped his plate on the way to serve his food. His plate shattered, and he burst into tears. All he could say was, "I had a terrible day!"

I reflected that I did not learn how to deal with mistakes well growing up. I tended to internalize the mistake, blaming myself and feeling ashamed, usually dwelling on the mistake rather than facing the problem and moving on. That was not a very healthy approach especially when I, like most people, made some of the same mistakes over and over again.

That’s why a love a fresh start: second chances, a new week, or even a new year. We are trained to make resolutions, start a fresh semester in school, and to start the year off right in many areas of life. But is it easy to do that as a parent, especially in the face of mistakes? Does one setback throw you completely off track?

I think the answer to successful change is all about the vision for success. The problem is that we are too busy to develop a clear vision and often to listen to God’s voice about what He would have us do.

So the challenge is to take time now before the hectic pace of life sweeps you away to seek that vision: vision for your family, what you want your children to be like at age 18, and where you want to be in your relationship with God.

Each month the ParentLife team wants to equip you to be the parent your children need you to be. Please let us know how we can better partner with you in your parenting journey!

 

The Importance of Staying Married by Carey Casey

Carey Casey writes our regular "Dad’s Life" column in ParentLife. Today, he shares with us some extra notes on the importance of marriage.

Wedding Rings

 

In February, we get to celebrate the importance of marriage to our culture. Some personal experiences have solidified this for me.

My bride, Melanie, came from a broken home. Sometimes in the past I have thought about that and asked her, “Why are we still married after all these years? What has kept you interested and committed to staying married?” Because I can tell you — and she knows — I’m not all that great.

She told me that even though her mom and pop didn’t make it, she always had a vision for a strong marriage. She did say she was angry with her dad, but in the next breath she said she never gave up hoping he would come home.

I have some neighbors whom I’ve come to know pretty well. One day several years back, I heard that the husband was about to leave the wife. I had joined the National Center for Fathering not that long before this, and God was giving me new insights about fatherhood. When daddies aren’t there, something big is missing for kids and families. All those facts were stirring in my mind when I heard about our neighbor. I knew what was at stake not just for his family, but other families on our street.

So that’s why I was bold; I took a chance and approached him to talk about what he was about to do. I told him to think hard about it, and to imagine the long-term consequences that will come because of his decision. His family would be forever changed. Our block wouldn’t be the same. I even told him that my son Chance would be asking, “Where is he?” and that we would have to tell him.

Well, he did leave his wife, but it wasn’t for long. He soon came back, and their relationship has healed.

That’s the far-reaching power of marriage in our families, our neighborhoods, and our culture.
Maybe my own parents built that into me, because I can remember having talks with my brother when we were teenagers. He would say, “Carey, when we’re married one day, no matter what might happen, we’ll work through it.” And I agreed. We said, “We’ll stick with it because we’re Christians, and we’re men.”

Things don’t always work out in marriages, and maybe I’m idealistic about it, but I’m not going to apologize for that. God made marriage, and with His help we can make our own marriages strong and create a better image of marriage for the world around us. We must do this by all means. We have to help change culture, and marriage is the recipe to get this done.

ImageDad’s Life Columnist Carey Casey is Chief Executive Officer of the Kansas City-based National Center for Fathering and author of the book Championship Fathering: How to Win at Being a Dad (2009). 

Through his work across the country, Casey has earned a reputation as a dynamic communicator, especially on the topic of men being good fathers. He’s known as a compassionate ambassador, particularly within the American sports community.

 

What is your experience with divorce or separation, and how has that formed you?

 

Photo used with permission of Flickr Creative Commons. Click on photo for source.

“Dad, Will You Help Me?” by William Summey

17_Child_Laundry.jpgHas your child had a big project due at school and needed your help? How much should you step in? Do you find that the majority of school projects reflect Mom’s or Dad’s work more than the student’s? Ouch! The truth hurts.

Why is it that we sometimes step over the boundary line and do things on our child’s behalf? This tendency doesn’t happen overnight. Parents often are caught in a pattern of doing things for their kids, rather than stopping to teach or coach them how to do things for themselves. The following are three guidelines for fighting this trend.
 
  1. Step back. It is OK for kids to make mistakes. We sometimes forget that trial and error can be the best part of learning. We would rather step in and make things right. Or we are living vicariously through our children and take things personally when our children make mistakes.  
  2. Build in time for interruptions and teachable moments. Kids learn by asking questions, hands-on experimenting, and connecting new things with what they already know. We are sometimes too busy for our child’s questions or to stop and teach a life skill. We have to fight packing our schedules so full that there is no time left for life’s interruptions. Unfortunately, all too quickly the question "Dad, will you help me?" turns to "I can’t do this! You’ll have to do it." 
  3. Place the journey together higher than the finished product. Too many times, we focus on the end product. We want our child to make the perfect project or we must have the clothes folded a certain way or we are not happy. Resist the urge to refold those clothes or make the project the way you would have done it. Life is a journey together, so enjoy the time along the way!

Have you ever had trouble with this "doing too much" boundary? How do you discern where to draw the line?

Originally posted in June 2009.

Are You a Super Dad … Who’d Like to See the SuperBowl?

Carey Casey, our Dad’s Life writer, is also the CEO of the National Center for Fathering. He brought it to our attention that they are sponsoring a giveaway for two tickets to this year’s SuperBowl – the #1 Football Dad Contest.

Their publicity article states:

The contest is part of the nonprofit’s initiative to reverse a trend of fatherlessness, said Carey Casey, the National Center for Fathering’s CEO.

“We have a crisis in this country: Our children have a critical shortage of heroic fathers and father-figures,” said Casey, adding that the dangerous trend is negatively impacting teenage pregnancy rates, drug abuse, mental and physical health problems, and poverty.

The giveaway is an opportunity to reward heroic fathering and raise awareness about the Center’s mission, said Carey. To enter the contest, a father will be asked to film a 60-second-or-less video explaining:

1) Why he is a great father or father figure;

2) Why his son or daughter is the ultimate football fanatic; and

3) Why he deserves to take his son or daughter to the Super Bowl.

Contestants will then upload the videos to YouTube and post them on the Fathers.com Facebook page (www.facebook.com/NCF4dads). The public will vote for the videos between January 16 and January 20. On January 21, three judges will select a winner from the top three vote-getting videos. The winner will receive two tickets to the Super Bowl: one for him, and one for a child of his choice.

 

That would sure be the trip of a lifetime for a kid and his or her dad! Let us know if you decide to enter so we can vote for you! You can find more information and e-mail for details from the Fathers.com Facebook Page.